A letter to Heart !!

Dear Heart,

I know you’re being very happy and satisfied right now, I feel it too. Things happen in last couple of weeks are seems to be like a dream coming true. I am sorry now, you have to be with her because your place in me has been already taken by her heart. I’m very sorry I can’t do anything much to stop her heart taking place of yours. But do you know that both hearts are dancing on the same beat? Don’t worry she will protect you same way as I do.

Do you know that you never ever follow the rule where mind do. The mind thinks where you only feel. Emotions, feelings, love, they are always around you and now you got someone with whom you can share all your emotions, I am feeling jealous of yours.

You know with the time, lot of responsibility will be come on you, you have to make everyone happy specially to her. So, don’t make any mistakes, even though you are human heart but take care of every situation artistically. You can’t turn back time and do a correction because you don’t have eraser to do that.

Trust your innocence, trust your love, trust on trust someone else have on you, see the dreams someone have seen with you, you don’t want to break them at all, don’t you? Play on the safe side, Heart.

And you know what, you have your own grace and that’s the reason you are getting admired by her. You don’t have that flamboyance kind of attitude but you have insane sweep of emotions, flicking of expressions. You are just a heart of a man and she is the only woman who provoked the desires that no other woman has ever been able to do. It may sound indecent but if you look at the honesty of it then you won’t find anything wrong in it. It’s just a wish, one of the countless wishes I will carry to live with her.

Heart, you know she is now intriguing part of my life. Why? Very few relationships grows so strong very fast. People say relationship that grew fast are shallow kind of. But I don’t think that’s hold true for us. I can’t say how much of our nature/behavior helped it and believe me I am not afraid of anything at all. Because we have started this relationship with what we are , not we pretend to be. May be it was planned for us to stay this way, may be it is destined to stay this way.

You have been the reason behind many of my smiles. I thank you for everything.  God bless you. Bbye. Take care.  :-)

Color's of Life

What makes me to write this? Even I don’t know. But sometimes you just feel burden of the unknown weight on you own shoulders and you feel everything is interconnected. And then sometimes they don’t. one would wonder how that happen. There aren’t answers to all questions. Some questions demand no answers. Rhetoric.

Yet, in a life something always remains so absurd, abstract. Wondering why this happen? Is that one needs to think about only good side of everything? Or one just needs to ignore bad side? Our perspective in life are so blunt to someone else, it also gives monotonous impression to but one need to understand for that person that perspective may be a way to see those coming changes.

There aren’t two sides to a coin. It has faces, curves, vertices. Sometimes in a life we presumes that things are either black or white, either true or false. But we forget that there exist shades of grey, blue, yellow, red…. Same way something is true for someone and may be false for someone else. Versatility. Individuality. Radiance. They depict so much character, one would almost a expect a pause. Almost. But it’s not.

Yet somehow, you try to pause everything around you. They energize, depress, anger, infuriate, calm, soothe.... They do all this and more. Yet, we can't give them life. They do that to us. Personification, you say. Suit yourself.

The irony, however, remains so volatile. When they choose to get together, stick together, join hands and support your goal they fuse and transform into a lovely, peacefully soothing white. When they revolt, argue, contradict, rebel and repel, they bounce away, reflect off, dissipate and diffuse to leave behind a dark, gloomy, almost toxic black.

One would wonder why that happens, what happens to the shades and colors. What happens to them? What happens to you? You'd think they are not interconnected. And then again, sometimes, they do...

pehli mulaaqat se pahele

Aaj unse pehli mulaaqat hogi..

phir aamne saamne baat hogi..

phir hoga kya, kya pata kya khabar..

I am adding to the chorus of this Kishore da’s melody. However, unlike the song there is no excitement in my mind. I guess I am anxious. Or should I say nervous?? Not sure..

I am going to meet someone. This is not the first time ever I am meeting any one but still this is completely different moto. Yup I used the word “moto”.  For the first time ever in my life I am meeting someone to see for whole life or not? I don’t know. Don’t know will I be able to talk properly? Will she think I am khadus? Will she like my voice?? God!!  What is happening? Why am I thinking all this? Relax... Take a deep breath and cool down. It will be fine.

OK, I think you want little back ground of the story….Yes story!! We know each other. We know each other well all through a text, voice etc but all I could say that I never seen her before. Isn’t it madness?? Without seeing a person how can you speak hell of your personal matters? But I did, somehow it happened. Even though in the climax we always see some obstacles comes in picture same will happen here too but …. You know what I want to say right? That’s enough for you to gaze what I am saying isn’t it?

Now coming back today, the day when I am going to meet someone who is going to be special for me for my entire life. Many questions popped out in my mind, will she like me?? How will be her reaction? What she will speak first? With what word I should start to talk?? Shall I speak in English or mother tongue will be fine? What if she thinks I am flaunting too much?? What if she don’t like me?? God! Please grant me strength to handle this.

I know I never thought like this, but what should I wear, a formals or casuals? What she likes? All I say I look good in casuals. God! Please let me have the right gait with it on.

Sometimes I speak out what comes in my mind although sensible enough but it give impression that I am flaunting. Well with her I should be more composed with all things. God!! Please control me.

"Humare zamane mein ladkiyan badi sharmili hoti thi.. aur aaj-kal ki kudiyan...." Oh this is my mother's voice echoing in my mind. I know I am bold and my friends says confidence shows on my face. Will she like that? What if she bold and very open? What if she is too much forward? I am not sure. God! Please conceal it and portray me as a timid person.

Well something which I needs to tell is about my work profile. I know she won’t ask me but still. I agree overall package I have is not much handsome but I will try to rebalance everything. Again my desire to study further that too full time where I won’t be earning anything. Is it fine with her? What if she don’t agree with me?? And suppose I can’t present my case strongly. God!! Please help me live with this.

You know while writing this I am getting all the words we had spoke in last few days…..well I am afraid too…but I am hopeful too….well adding here one phrase “Agar miya bibi raji toh kya karega kazi”. It is as simple as mathematics 2+2=4 only don’t try to make it 5. Hope you will able to make your family understand the simplicity of life and growth starts from root not from the leafs J

Just Hold on… Why am I being so paranoid? Will she too be thinking the way I am? And with the same intensity? Let me just revisit my thoughts...

What’s wrong if the I speak my heart out? And also try to flaunt my thoughts? She knew it already.

What’s wrong with the casual? And even she will be in same casuals right jeans and tee??

What’s damaging about my thoughts? In fact I feel they are the main force of attraction isn’t it??

What’s unethical if I will get to much comfortable with talking her?? As a matter of trust that would make her to comfortable!!

What’s immoral if my package is not handsome enough? But she know that as a family I can manage everything….and if she desires more than what else can be a better inspiration to work and earn harder?

And what’s wrong if I tell her that I wish to study further more to give her better future!!

Why should I let these inhibitions accompany me and mask the “essence of myself”? Why should I change something which has been built over past 25 years just to ensure that a girl who meets me for 25 minutes says a YES?

Why shouldn't I present the "me" as I am? But at least I'll be sure that my core is not lost in the process. After all that’s what marriage is all about right? Accepting the differences and respecting the individuality??

It’s not worth troubling the Almighty with these silly problems. Let me handle the issue myself :) and leave the rest to Destiny.

Game known as "LIFE"

I am wondering again with the game life playing with me. I mean, from last so many days my mood swings are getting very frequent. They are so volatile like Nifty index. Sometime I feel that what’s wrong with me? Is that my mind is so unstable or I am not able to concentrate on one thing? Its randomness of my life driving me crazy.

Life is a wave, Life is a tide,
Sometimes its low, sometimes its high.
What should you do, what you shouldn't.
You have to think, you have to decide.

There has been time when I am surrounded by my friends, close friends, my family but suddenly on a day I find myself alone in the midst of all people. Is that something wrong with me? Why I am not able to keep same kind of chroma with everyone. Why I get lingered with same person so often that I find myself difficult to stay without them and when that person goes away why do I feel that pain?

Sometimes its glee, sometimes its pain,
Sometimes you lose, sometimes you gain,
Every new day is a battle for you
Life never gives any chance again.

Why there are so many people, out there in the middle of this world find so easy to manage their life? Why only I need to fight? Is that I am on wrong path or I am still novice? But I am not….I have been thinking on a level above my capability always! I have been so understanding….then why do I feel discourage now??

Though its easy to sit keep quiet
But you have to stand, you have to fight
The ride is tough, you have to be audacious
The life is for those who are courageous.

Life is the game which I need to understand deeply now. I mean I can’t wait for something to happen, it’s like I need to stand up and make those things happen which I desire. We are into the game which has random rule, you can’t change time but you need to change with the time. You can make it to wonder if you believe yourself. Try to find out realm of your soul. It’s game where you have to make your team happy and if your team is happy then you will be happy.

So play the game of life, play the game of time,
just follow the rules and all would be fine.
Life is all about, the upshot of your deeds,
So act as a Champion and one day you'll succeed.

"Sukanya"

I had wrote few blogs on basanti which was an epitome of the ideal girl I am looking for but person grew wisely as time goes and with the experience, he himself learns to be more practical with the incidents and accidents. I have been thinking that things happens quickly when you start desire for it but what I experienced recently was quite astonished to my thought process. I am not shattered but still there is some fear which started to grow quietly. But still I feel that things will get settled down and will be fine. And my refined thought process just change the way I was thinking before about my life partner basanti.

Well basanti sounds so weird now. I am afraid that what people take from the name is really understand what I want!! Then what shall I call her? No, I need a name so that it become easy for me to reach into her mind. Sukanya, yup its better than most, can be applicable to all kinds of girls which I might be going to come across. She can be very first or second or third or last. But that name “Sukanya” defines the surface of mind, my desires.

I have been living in a dream that’s painted to perfection. The colors know their places as if they were born before the sketch they were to fill. I have a sketch in my mind named as “Sukanya”. Well do I need to define the sketch? I do. Even though no one is interested in that but I will define. She have slender wrists, she is fair, a perfect charming face, big eyes, straight hairs and yes, the things that sets her apart from the rest, the thing that dominates everything else is her dimple in her left cheek. She looks like the rest but when it comes to my eyes they have refused to take her as one of them. I feel ownership on her as I am the only responsible for creating her sketch “Sukanya”.

She is in black trouser, a striped shirt, black stripes on white short sleeves, flat heel sandal and a shy smile on her face. I feel lost when I see her in my dreams. Nothing else. I keep my eyes close tightly, like frozen in your coldness. How often I had seen her in my dreams, how often I have imagined her, how often I had built my expectation and how often I had been retorted with the practical phenomenon. Sometimes I wish I could just tear her apart but I know till I get to know that unknown face, she will be a part of my dream world.

Yesterday again, I met her in my dreams. I don’t know her name but I named her as a “Sukanya”. I can tell her that she too wanted to talk with me. I can tell it by the way she lower lip thrusts forward but she didn’t utter any word. I have been watching her silently, again lost in her face. I saw her rubbing her nails with her other hand nails. And the way her fingers of both the hands form the shape of the upper half part of the heart. Don’t you know that we humans are cursed to see what is put in front of our eyes?

I caught her staring at the momentarily. I see she want to ask me something but she feel reluctant. Listen to me, I know what you want to ask me. You want to know what type of girl I like? And believe me I like your type ‘Sukanya’. Will it matter to you? It should.

You know every guy here is looking for a girl with the cosmetic smile, rouged cheeks, high heels, educated, professional and with those "yeah"s, the "oooh"s, the "wow"s and  the "nah"s words. I am not the different but believe me it takes only few days of practice and anyone can learn it to become part of the crowd. But what it makes difficult to learn is the simplicity of thoughts, understanding and those comfort making smile and talks. Which makes you to stand out in a crowd.

And believe me, each and every one around us is not what they appears to us. Behind those expensive clothes, cosmetics, gadgets, lies a humans just like you and me with the same possession, with same earthly dreams we have, almost the same. It’s just that someone have different dreams scaling with the different measures. You just need to think better, more wisely than them. That’s it!!

‘Sukanya’, time will soon give me a chance at that time I want you to look at me. Look closely, look at my face, look into my eyes. What do you see? Nothing? Shall I draw a similarity between you and me then?? Can you draw the similarity? Keep your hand on your chest, the left side. Can you feel it? No, I am not talking about the throbs. Breathe slowly, listen carefully, turn deaf to the world around you and step inside. There, right there! Just between two beats, that long pause. Can you hear it? Can you feel the pause? That is what I want when I lend up to see you again. A formal meeting surrounded by our relatives.

‘Sukanya’ that is what will binds us together, that gap, a hole in the rhythm that the beats can't fill. We all have that hole in us, that break in the music. I have been trying for long now, and I still am lost. That what I want to feel, experience and that what will ring a bell in my mind where I see a happiness in your eyes ‘Sukanya’.

I know all girls want to see a happy and successful? Those costly trousers, costly watch, those thousand bucks worth shirt. If I go by your comprehension then I should be concerned. But no, I am not. I am just like you, lost and greedy but for what I am yet to find out. May be she know what she want from my life and I still haven't figured out. Aren't you better than me then?

I would be happiest if I found you better than me!! I am not a part of orchestra where egoistic band player have their own tune. It’s a life which we need to pass together not alone.

"Realization"

"Life is 10% what happens and 90% how we react to it." - Charles Swindoll

The sentence so true in nature itself. Life is one of the mysterious “Thing” on this earth ever exists. It’s so dynamic full of surprises, accidents, incidents and realizations….

Life is no static and changes daily, so as our dreams and aspirations ... and at the stage of my age we react differently to every situation and life moves differently, partly, may be because we are born with different traits and we dream differently, we realize the things differently...

I don't know, how the creator made this difference in different beings, but, for sure, we are different in thinking and of course, in execution of our thinking’s... We dream something today and tomorrow, that is no more a dream for us; we think for something new, days go by and dreams change... Sometimes, we feel happy as we achieve our dreams, and sometimes we go mad as our dreams shatter! Well, we all know this. And if that is the case, shouldn't we realize that at the very first stage of dream? 10-90%, Easy to say, but hard to do... We fail more often than we succeed, we still aspire for a new horizon, a new spirit, we just keep walking...

It takes a long time to realize that we are failing more because we try more. We should realize that the journey is important, not the destination. Success and failure are just two sides of the coin, and life is the experience that we get out of this journey....

So, Keep dreaming and Keep walking...

All the very best...

P.S. : This blog is outcome of my recent experiences.

Life Mein Twist toh hota hi hai!!

“Man proposes and God disposes.”

I heard someone say this long time back in my school during one of the session of “Bhagwad Geeta”. The only thing that perfectly fits our life is “uncertainty of certain things”. I still remember that person Mr. Jagdish Sir. But then I had not understood the true essence of it. Took me really long to understand it!!

Life has taken yet another turn. Never ever thought it would be so soon. With mixed emotions and nothing to react to it I find myself standing in front of a long road without any idea where it goes. I am also not interested to take the road but I have to. And that what it says in “bhagwad geeta”. As human we have very little control over our fate but still we humans pretend like everything is planned.

Like a small child wondering perplexed in the middle of the road in the hustle of life I remain. No idea where I m heading to and whom I m looking up to. Is there anyone waiting for me the other side? I don’t want to go to the other side but life has been pushing me.

Read this somewhere today :

life gives u answer in 3 ways.

it says YES and gives u what u want....

it says NO n gives something better….

it says WAIT n gives u the best….

"Mirror Reflection"

Few days back, I walk in front of the mirror and I find my reflection walk along with me into it but from other side of the mirror. I stopped for a moment. He was un doubtfully looked like me but hang on.. is that real me what he look like in a mirror. Does mirror reflection shows everything what you are? I don’t know the answer but I stopped in front of mirror and felt difference, the man on the other side and the man that stands within me. Ugliness?? Beauty?? Two form of every human. All that is so obvious and so glaring to everyone. And how my reflection looks like I don’t need to tell everyone around me. I trust my mirror it is honest enough to answer that.

But I want to know about the beauty in me, the part of me that only someone can see, someone can feel who really know me. What is there in me that make someone to say yes to me, I need to know that why someone will choose me?? And why someone will reject me?? Question keeps changing in front of mirror with the time. But do we are capable of getting or accepting honest answer from Mirror?? I doubt.

We as a human being, why we are so naive? Why every time we want something beautiful things to happen? And when we see our reflection in mirror why we see only beautiful part?  Sometimes we know what mirror can’t show. We know things about us that we had left behind, things which doesn’t matter most. We named it as practicality.

We all are busy in walking so fast and so long that people that even your own people don’t recognize you any more. But we know how did we started and how it will end.

Well even I am like you all. Can’t understand why we behave like this where we know what we are still we pretend what we are not?

Be practical!! Live with the life, not against life.

I wish ... I was a child again!!

It’s a mid of summer and most of the children across the country must be enjoying their summer vacation. Yesterday after having a thick day at office coming back to home I saw children playing, crying, singing, dancing, they were doing all that which we elder’s (yes, I think I am elder now but not from my heart) even can’t think of. And the only thing came in my mind at that time is “I wish…..I was a child again!!”

At times…

I wish…..I was a child again!!

So that no one would ask me the reason for my cry,

So that rolling down would not be taken into account,

So that shouting and singing aloud would not be taken as madness,

So that I would have a clean heart,

So that I could speak anything I wish,

So that I can blab silly words,

So that I can live the world as I wish,

So that there will be no thing to be cared, but everything taken cared of,

So that I can live without any fears,

So that I can live without any betrayal,

So that everyone likes me for no reason,

So that everyone hugs me without tension,

So that everyone loves me just because what I am

So that I could live as I want to live

I wish… I was a child again!!

"For Unseen face"

I don’t know what’s happening to me, I am in the crux of so many things. Starting with a face whom I never seen, my family, my exam, my work and my destiny. But still when I fall on my bed at a time when stars come out with the glittering face, moon shines to show me that face and sun hides to give me that cozy space,

“Once again, sleep has evaded me

 Once again, your thoughts have persuaded me”

I smile avoiding many faces of my dear ones to remember your face “oh, my dear one” I skipped all the questions miserably ask by my mom, dad and brother. I smiled back to them. Making them wonder “how I could be like this?”

“I sit down on my bed and pretend to write

 As I rack my brain searching words for you”

I am out of woods, feeling a cold in the mid of summer night. Thinking how long I will be like this away from you with the thoughts which are neither yours nor mine. But I took the ownership of those thoughts to describe you as what I think of you but still its hard to put you in words which my heart feels for you.

“I am playing with my pen,

 I wonder where to start,

 With your staggering beauty?

 Or your beautiful heart”

All effort goes in vein when I see my page still blank, but it’s not easy task at all to describe you girl which has both beauty and brain, after all I am not a poet at all. But I remembered something which you did last time before going away from me.

“Talking to you

 Is the most wonderful part of that day

 I just loved to listen

 When you said ‘miss you so much’”

You know the day before yesterday your voice was so enchanting. It almost made me to speechless when you said ‘bye’ to me. I wonder how this time will fly, keeping me awake all nights. Is the same situation with you? I wish soon I get to listen your smile, your voice and a word ‘janu’ from you to make me feel special that I made for someone like you.

“Listening your smile

 Takes away all my pains

 Like a thirsty soul

 Searching for water

 Suddenly put into the rains”

It feels like your thoughts has invaded my mind without giving me warning, you conquered my thoughts. But it has made my life ordered which was little out of sorts. I don’t know what to write more where many thoughts are poking my mind. I am waiting for the moment when I will see you first time.

“I would stop here

 For I have other promises to keep,

 I am done with this now

 So I shall try going back to sleep”

Shank!!

Scattered Thoughts!!

I got up late in the morning today and i felt everything scattered around me. I remembered that i slept late last nite around 3 in the morning. someone asked me what kind of girl you are looking for as a life partner?? someone asked me first time with the intention, with the purpose like validating myself for some purpose. But i love the way, it has to be this way now. Its better you know and validate before you take important decision.

And i didn't tried to pretend anything, in fact why should i pretend to be neat when i want them all that way . .?? with all this thoughts i just walk out from home for office. I know where is my mind today. And a big smile covered my face :)

I look at the sky when sun hit me hard on the face. It's been long now when i found sun ray's pleasurable. Sky is all blue today. So, blue that it makes me stop and think about chat we had. I stopped near sector 28, i looked around, tried to find someone. I wish if i could see someone from there :)

The sun looks so bright today and it was complementing today with my feeling and thoughts. I was standing near blue diamond hotel for auto and watching the scene it was seems to be more beautiful than ever. I swear i see stars in this day light, twinkling.

I remembered some words from you again, i laughed. I was starring something blankly and someone asked me something, i said nothing.

I got out from auto and started walking towards office, i know myself and i murmured, "Saala lagta hai aaj ek aur post likhega." :)

I am so sure of something now. I was seeing things in their entirety. Do i need to live in a world of practicalities, rituals and all. I don't know for sure. I am confused.

I don't know i am thinking too much or may be i am just different. People around me are excited about this that they don't really ask me what I want. But then, what is that I want? Something really silly,i don't know that i need to answer for that. But for the moment, i am happy with the way things gone so far. I am happy with my mood, I am happy with our talk of last nite, I am happy with whatever little happiness i have this morning but i am also scared, i am scare if things go against my thoughts. Can i have a strength to alter my fate?? i don' know.

But then i am afraid of my thoughts. I am trying to stay calm myself. All is well!! All will be well!! All has to be well!! and if not than we will make it well!! What you say mamu :)

I am within My Self !!

Last night, I was having a conversation with a friend. Since i was a part of the conversation, it was of shameful intellectual standards. We were talking about the kind of girls we had in our batch through out our engineering years. Suddenly in an awful display of veering of conversation, the talk moved onto a rather philosophical plane. Within a matter of minutes of an animated discussion, my friend asked me this

"Have you ever thought what kind of person are you?"

I promptly coughed, murmured something about India and Bangladesh match, and then started talking about his engagement. The conversation ended soon after. (Itne heavy questions poochega to end karni hee padegi na). But then I got back to my room , jumped in my bed , drew my bedsheet over the eyes, stared into the darkness and thought "What kind of person am I?"

Now I am as confident as a Himesh Reshmiya confident about his acting and when I say that around 4 people on this planet would be interested in knowing about the what person I am, assuming my family would be interested in that. But I guess thinking about oneself once in a while clears up things, and then why should only celebrities get to talk about themselves and their favorite colors and favorite dishes? (Priyanka Chopra says "she is geeky". I am too trying to be "geeky" things I do for Piye)

So now I will talk about what I think of myself as a person. I remember one famous quote

"The most uncomfortable person in this world is a person who is not himself."

But over the years, I have tried to practice what this quote said. So I have learnt to listen to myself . I have learnt to develop a sense of self security so I don't need to do things which makes me 'cool' or 'happening' or 'smart'. So I don't drink or smoke, even though guys around me gulp gallons of alcohol and call me 'sissy' and 'mama's boy' while I sip a coke. So I don't stand around the boss during the office meetings and exclaim 'Excellent Idea' when the boss describes a business idea even a pantry guy wont approve. I wont play a rock number on my win-amp just because every cool dude with colored hair says it 'ossssssssummmmm man'.

Improvement is something that belongs to my priority list, but pretending to please your senses is not exactly on my things-to-do list. In short, I am uncool, stuck-in-old-times, and strange to a lot of people, but I have learnt to be myself. And i love myself more than anyone else.

And a contract killer is more spiritual than me, and I dozed off on the second shloka of Bhagvad Geeta, but as the years pass me by, I am beginning to understand the importance of searching for happiness in the right places. Achievements, salaries, accolades, shallow relations serve as a rocket fuel for the ego, but an ego boost is as different from happiness.

I am learning from life, that things change, people change, and clinging onto anything is selfish and as useless as gynecologist gives investment ideas.

Anyway, talking about oneself in words is like i am again trying to fit Adnam Sami again in Priyanka Chopra's low vest jeans. I have done before that also but today I have already destroyed every limit of self indulgance by talking about myself so long, so I will wrap up now.

Strange!!

"Do I like her? Is it all that I feel? No, it can't be. Is it just attraction? But what is this attraction all about? I haven't seen her, I haven't touched her, I haven't seen her smile back to me. What is it? Just her voice? No, even not her voice and it can't be. If it were just for voice then I would have fallen for every cuckoo voiced girl. What is it? Strange that I remember everything that she has said. I get sad, I see her face infront of my eyes; I am happy I see her face, I fail I see her face and when I am doing nothing I see her face. And then there is her voice. My heart pounds and throbs. Have you seen a bird flutter and cry in a cage? Well thats what happens to it. It shouts and cries in desperation from inside. Feeling shy to share it with anyone. But if I know there's nothing in it then why am I searching for "something" Is it the boyishness in me that's trying to break out? I love it when she say No to me, I love it she talks childish with me. I have gone mad for sure. May be I am searching for someone to blame for all the mishaps. Throughout my life I have closed the doors on my "beating" heart. When its hurt I just try to switch it off, try every possible way to stop it from beating. I turn it into a machine that only beats to pump the fluids through my body; yes few drops of tear do soften the chains that bind it. But still I do blunders and this what i get. Hah! I know it will pass. Its just that under current of "desires" that's breaking ripples at the bay of my heart. Its nothing, few days of loose work, so after few days with new work profile i will off her-completely by dissolved in work. (But is it so?)

For You :)

I don't know how it happened but I started thinking about you in between the breaks, my hands automatically search your name in my mobile and then I didn't have that courage to call you. You know I am a short of words in front of you. But I hear the sound of violin when I see you on-line in my G-talk. What does it mean? Can you tell me?

So many times in last few days, my eyes met your eyes in my dream and every time my heart missed a beat, so question I asked myself is it love or something else?

So many times in last few days, I had felt your eyes on me and I saw that calm and distant look in your eyes, so question I asked myself is it love or something else?

So many times in last few days, I saw smile on her face and that spark in your eyes, is it for me, so question I asked myself is it love or something else?

I don't know what it is but I know it's not me who has so much patience for things, but it's you who is making me to wait so much and I am waiting for it also. I don't know if I had chosen this way to approach you the way you have shown to me. You know what exactly you are doing, you know what exactly you need to do next, you have that control and you have that rhythm.

You know sometimes I resemble you with my basanti. I am trying to find my basanti in you and somewhere I am finding her also but still long way to go.

You know what I liked most so far, clarity of thoughts about what you want and they way you say no for anything. Sometime I just love to hear NO from you.

I am still searching for the things which I don't like in you so far. I don't know what will be the crest of this friendship, where it will end but I am so sure that I got the one good friend.

I am thinking beyond the sky, beyond the stars, beyond the whisper of my silent hours,

I am thinking beyond the darkness of this stoic night, beyond the glow of the morning light,

I am thinking beyond my thoughts, beyond my screams, beyond the picture of this wonderful dreams

I am thinking beyond the embrace, beyond the lust, beyond the limit of this unplugged trust.

Well its already 2 of the early morning but i am no where near to sleep and it is too early to conclude anything also :)

The meaning of life

The meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day and from hour to hour. What matters today may not be matter same tomorrow, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning of a person's life at a given moment.

To put the question in general terms would be comparable to the question posed to a chess champion: "Tell me, Master, what is the best move in the world?" There simply is no such thing as the best or even a good move apart from a particular situation in a game and the particular personality of one's opponent.

The same holds for human existence. One should not search for an abstract meaning of life. Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life to carry out a concrete assignment which demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated. Thus, everyone's task is as unique as is his specific opportunity to implement it.

Sach ka Samna

1. Pick out a scars you have, and explain how you got it.

Abey pahela hi bouncer!! Abey thodi to sharam rakho yeh public hai!! Let me think, I have a strong belief that any decent young man without a history of police encounters or public beatings should not have any scars on his 'jism' (Waise compared to the word 'body', the word 'jism' sounds as cheap as the from first row ticket of Uday Cinema Hall (ghatkopar west)). So after a prolonged examination of the wonderland that my body is, I proclaim I have no scars on my body. I know the question demands I find a scar and even talk about how I got it as if it's the world cup trophy , but then what do I do if I have no scars ? Ab blog post ke liye I won't go around and flirt with girls and get some scar on my face!! Do i?? no na . . .

2. What does your phone look like?

Whats this yaar I mean yeh to 100% girly question hai!! who screams 'Cho chweeeeeeet' everytime looks at a baby (Itni excite ka 'cho chweeet' bolti hai ki baby diaper mein susu kar deta hain). I mean, no male, unless he is under the influence of alcohol, would ask a question like "What does your phone look like?". But anyway , my phone looks like..umm..surprise...a phone!. If you are still amazed, it has a keypad and a screen too!. Nokia connecting the people. Chalo ho gaya. Ab phone ke baare mein aur kya documentary banau? Phone hai ustaad, Bombay Stock Exchange nahi hai!!

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?

Yaar yeh sting operation paltan tho bedroom tak chale gaye . Arre miyan , shareefo ka mohalla hain yeh , ek jawan ladke ke bedroom ke baare mein poochna kahan ki sharafat hain ?

Aaj bata detein hai bass , dobara mat poochna ( Oye yeh tho chlormint ka ad ho gaya.) - I have on the walls of my bedroom the face of an AC sticking out, baba aadam ke jamane ka wall watch hai and paint hai!! Hehehe . . na koi photo nai hai . . . hehehehe

4. What is your current desktop picture?

Abhi mom gharpe hai isliye Blinking Krishna Bhagwan hai!! Agar mein akela hota tho u might have got colorful reply . . . hehehe

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?

Huh? Kya double meaning wale sawal puch rahe ho bachhe ko. "Do you believe?" I believe a marriage is a union of two minds, who then commit to tread the path of life together, facing all adversity and celebrating all joys together, and helping each other grow in the process. Gay or other wise, the essence of a marriage is unaffected by such trivial issues. Subhan allah, ekdum miss world waala answer diya na!

6. Last person who made you cry?

Rajesh Khanna . . . kal hi maine Anand dekhi thi!! Heheheh but real ans is Me. I believe no one else can make me cry . Tears arise out of what I do with the thoughts in my head. (Kaafi profound hain yeh jawaab , samajh na aye tho koi baat nahi . . kabhi kabhi mein bhi senti ho jata hoon )

7. What is your favorite perfume / cologne?

Yaar main koi Page 3-socialite-fashion designer types hoon jo itna perfume conscious hunga ? Apna 100 rupye mein axe deo lekar use karta aa raha hoon saalo se .Ladkiyan tho ad mein hee attract hoti hain. Real life mein tho sirf 'Namaste Bhaiyya' hee kehti hain who bhi dur se!!!

8. What are you listening to?

'Bol na Halke Halke' from 'Jhoom Barabar Jhoom'. The first time someone told me there is a song which goes "Bol na Halke Halke" , I thought it was about a couple of engineering students whispering answers to each other during an exam.

9. Do you get scared of the dark?

Not if there is Priyanka Chopra in the same dark room.

10. Are you too shy to ask someone out?

Hehehe . . . mein to sawal sun ke hi sharma gaya. . . . oyye hoyye!!!

11. Is anyone in love with you?

Girls, this question is for you. Aaju baaju mat dekho, baat dil ki bol do aaj.

Change . . .

Today's the day I want to change
The day that I make me exist
Or so I tell myself
Everyday I think the same thing
Not once has it happened
Until today
I was determined to change
I miss the old me
Everyone does
How can I blame them?
They were right
Only you make your destiny
Me MySelf and I !!
And that's how I like it

Happy Birthday Shank !!!

Happy Birthday!!

Tomorrow, 1st of August, my birthday. It's like I want to develop a ritual that every year I will write a post on 31st of July to myself, a post that speaks entirely about me and no one else. It is like a monologue that starts with my name and also ends with it.

So, what am I supposed to write here? Yes, I will be 25 this year. 25 years since I let out my first wail in the lap of my mum, 25 years since I saw light in its fullest brilliance, 25 years since I was innocently free.

To Mummy and papa:-

Pappaaaa! Stop scaring me now that I will not get any girl! I know I am so close to that perfect age which makes me eligible for marital bliss. (GOD save me!) But, I am just a nine year old child. I still haven't learned to flirt (totally), I still haven't had my first glass of cocktail and, goodness, I still haven't thought seriously for anyone! And you are thinking to play with your grand children. Sorry mummy! You need to wait. Before you publicize my bachelorhood and send out your word to those bride-hunters to fetch that perfect bahu please keep in mind that it's me who's gonna take those saat pheres. And you know about me. What will you do if I stop exactly after 6 and a half pheres and ask for a change of bride? You won't want that to happen. I have priorities chalked out! What? Ok, fine I still am confused but still, I have few things in mind!

To My Bro:-

Bhai Bhai!! Actually you are now big enough to make me fool as you always do!! I am really happy with everything happening with you. Just open yourself little more than you usually do. That's it Bro!! Love you. And yes Thank You be there always.

To Sister's and Jiju's:-

He He…. What I suppose to tell you all guys….Exactly nothing!! I know the only thing that stuck in your all mind is that where am I heading towards?? What I will do?? But all my dears, I respect all your concerns. I just want to tell you that keep your love and affection on me I will do something. I will make you all proud one day. Thanks For everything you all have done for me so far.

To All my nieces and nephews:-

What shall I tell you all? Mmmmmm... I LOVE YOU all!!! And ya sorry I haven't given you all big party, give me some more time will definitely do it all the stuff which you all wants to do!!

To Friends:-

Hi guys! How are you all? Sorry, for keeping you all waiting (Thoda sa bhaav kha raha tha). You know guys I never forget any one of you whether you remember me or not just stay with me. I need you all. I know I never gave you my birthday party but will soon compensate that too. Sorry If I have hurt you anytime.

To Shank!

Sorry Shank! You are the last one! I want to apologies you, I have always ditched you, I have asked you many questions and I was always been last to give you that pride. But from now onwards it won't be the case. I LOVE YOU! I won't ever say no to you.

!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!

!! 8 Things I desire in my life partner !!

While writing these 8 things in my life partner, I feel like an Adnam Sami forced to pack himself in priyanka chopra's jeans. I feel uncomfortable. I seriously think the hindustaani sarkaar is goofing up by not awarding a paramveer chakra to my mother and siblings who have managed to tolerate me for 25 years, so expecting someone to be with me for life scores a perfect ten on the optimism meter. But Mungeri Laal doesn't hold the exclusive copyright to dream. So here goes.

1. The sharmeeli Traditional girl

'Bholi si soorat , aankhon mein masti , duur khadi sharmaye – hai hai'

I first heard these lines from 'Dil to pagal hai' on my school bus. Since then, whenever I imagine my dream girl, these lines start playing in the background of my khopadi. Simple face. Minimum make up. Ek choti se bindiya . naazuk . Hair tied a choti. Yellow salwaar suit. Quiet girl. Elegant. Shy. Soft laughter. Hai main marr jaawa kuddi pe. Simply bharatiy nari remains incredibly cute. But oye sohniye , not too much shy. (13 years after shaadi)

Me (Back from office) - Knock. Knock. Oye laajwanti, darwaza khol yar, I am back.
She (softly) - Suno jee, mujhe aapke saamne aate hue shy shy feel hota hain jee.
Me (Trying to keep my voice low while the neighbours look at me curiously) - Ahem. haha. Arre darwaza khol sweetie, it's been 13 years
since our marriage now. Abb kya sharmana.
She (softly giggling now) - umm..nahi jee , mujhse nahi kiya jayega . Aapke saamne aate hi sharma jati hu main.
Me (hitting the briefcase against the door) - Teri ma ki..........

I mean, I love shyness, but I don't want to use my briefcase to enter my home everyday.


2. Her ego and dinosaurs?

Both should be dead by now. That's right; her ego should be as dead as a thief in Mike tyson's home. I don't like people who have big blue whale sized egos. She should be educated but that education should not give her ego certificate. I mean any one can earn degree by studying. she has not done any wonder or she is not last educated person on this earth "bahot aa gaye hai and bahot aayenge bhai, oopssss sorry bahen", so hang your ego in your wardrobe of your bedroom.

3. Kuch to log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna. Tu bheje ki dahi mat kar.

Now that she would be married and assumingly exposed to a healthy dose of relatives, friends and family like most kutchi gujarati women, I mean there will be a lot of sound bites like 'why you both are not going out?' "ur mother in law is so khadoos!" " beware of your sister in laws" "don't you have kaamwali bai at your home" "He comes back late these days ? You should talk to 'Husband-secretary-pol khol detective agency". I don't want her to kill all those manthra's (ramayan wali re), but she should have a mind of her own to prioritize people and what they say. What most people think about me doesn't move a fingernail on me, and I hope she is kind of chilled too.

4. Tunnu munnu ke papa , chalo aaj "Angoor" dekhte hain

Kasam Madhubala's smile ki , the girl who actually laughs at amol palekar, utpal dutt, Sanjeev Kumar's brand of comedy is my kudi, because it shows she actually enjoys brain-less, 'bheja-bhool-ja' variety of antics, which gives her a clean ten extra points in my 'Kaun Banegi Meri patni' contest. In fact, I intend to ask her about this during the 'ladka ladki ek doosre ko jaan le, samajh le' stage.

Me - Hi. Have you seen 'Bheja Fry'?
She - Oh I love that one!
Me - Oh yeah. How about 'Golmaal'?
She - Uee ma . Seen that 14 times.
Me - That's so touching . Mujhse Shaadi karogi ?
She - Wow , Akshay kumar was so funny in that one .
Me - Oye Basanti, not the movie, this is a real life question. Mujhse Shaadi karogi?

5. Oh, bhaago Judge sahiba padhar rahi hai!

I write nonsense. I am not asking you, I am telling you a fact I know. Keep your mouth shut. You don't know anything's. You only keep on writing this all crap. But I write whatever I want to write, rather than what you want me to write.

Now a girl reads the stuff at this blog, thinks 'What an idiot he is', leaves a 'This is crap. And now you are in trouble' comment I mean, the girl should not consider herself the 'I am perfect', 'I will clean the system', 'How dare someone be silly' headmistress type character. Chill maar yaar. I am having my fun the way I want to, just leave me to my stupid life, Janu.

6. Thoda hain, thode ki zaroorat hain

Darling I am not ambani I am only one employee of reliance. Her life ka basic funda of happiness should match with mine. I mean I will try to fulfill her wish list but she should understand that I am not working with underworld yaar, jo har Saturday night bole, "Mona Darling, Ye haar mein sirf tumhare liye laya hoon sirf 10 lakh ka hai"

7. Aashman ko Chhune ke Asha!!

I too enjoy my work, but I need to keep the big picture in place. If the purpose of her life is to be successful in her career, picture on the cover of a business magazine, I am cool. But If she is willing to neglect herself, myself and my parents for that then I am boiling. My priorities - my parents, my siblings, a happy environment at home. Money is a pen I need to script happiness and comfort for my family. If she loves the pen more than the script, she better marry some 'aag-in-the-belly', high flying, busy business man whose kids have trouble remembering his face. Samji meri mrs CEO.

8. I have to put down one more points about the girl who shall marry me and get to say 'See that guy with the stupid face, sincere stupid, counting stars over there? He is my husband'.

But I don't really think I want to marry red lips or a rich dad in law or 'jheel see aankhein', low vest jeans, a tight top, 36-30-36, blonde
hair kind of girl because life is not a movie where I can happily drown in her eyes and feel happy forever. Zindagi mein things have to be worked out in phased manner and when I need her to understand and share my life, those red lips or pink cheeks won't exactly be a very useful thing.

So abhi bass itna hee mangta hoon hanuman ji.

Now by mistake any girl reading this post and If she think she can't handle this kind of guy for life time than please, pick up your cellphone and sms D-I-V-O-R-C-E to 80899 right now. Sms karne se kya hoga ? muje promotion milega, mere company ka revenue badega, bahenji!!

Will Not Give Up!!

Thought it would be a fairy tale
Living in a world which look so much live
But I found it's not easy
As I will turn twenty five

Who said life's easy
Must be haven't seen it through
Coz it raining on Sunday here
and days turning blue

Don't worry life, as you have always known me
I will never give up, as you have shown me
That there may be days with no sun shining
But even the darkest of clouds have a silver lining