Well staying near by shopping malls is always being an advantageous. You have a friends, you have many friends who always don't like to stay home in weekend, suggest you to meet them at mall. So I decided to do upkar on mall by visiting it on this weekend and meet up some friends too. But mere friends sab IST follow karne walon meine se hai jo TIME VALUE concept mein bilkul nai mante, so I land up more than hour before in mall.
So, I found myself in a pizza hut with nothing to do over the next hour . I settled down at a corner table, plugged in my headphones, ordered a little something and casually looked around. Being an Analyst, I have to develop this inborn tendency to analyse a sneeze, so I used that hour to categorise the type of crowd that visits mall.
1. The loud and happy "hum saath saath hain" family
Wah Kya family hai. From Grandfather to Grandchildren everyone is there to have a fun. Now thoda detail mein jata hoon bowing respect to ladies of that family. Saas of that family was ditto to ditto matching with the Ekta Kapoor's serial saas. Silk pallu - scorpion bindi-saas murdering brigade of women, this breed is soon going to be listed with the "Akhil Bhartiya endangered species protection board". Everybody looks happy here, Daddy get to looks new chicks around the mall, Mummy is satisfied as she got chance to do shopping, kids are happy because they know that in spite of their dad looks so outrageous, he is going to order ice cream after pizza. This is one of the more noisy tables of the hut. In case it is a joint family, frequent peals of laughter accompanied by table slapping is evident. In case it is a sardaar joint family, frequent peals of roaring laughter accompanied by table upturning slapping is evident.
2. The coochie coochie "Kuch Kuch hota hain" couple
This is the karan johar sponsored couple which is usually a boyfriend-girlfriend combo pack. Just married couple who are yet to fall in the where-is-my-shirt-you-pick-kids-from-school' trap of married life may also qualify here.
They prefer to sit in remote corners of the hut, They sit as close as siamese twins , may eat from the same plate and the only time their hands are not holding each other's body parts is when they are holding spoons or forks. They don't laugh the typical 'Navjot singh sidhu' brand of loaring laughter. It is more like twittering accompanied by whispering into ears. In short, both of them are in complete bliss. For the guy, bliss ends much earlier, when the waiter brings the bill.
3. The "shehar ki ladki" tribe
The table which challenges every sound barrier with its shrieking and excited occupants. High school girls maybe. Even college girls, if they are slightly low on maturity. Usually, there is an occasion, which usually is the birthday of one of those ladies. Shrill and sharp pizza-toppling cries of 'wowwwwwwwwwwwwww', 'Howww chweeeeeeeeeeeet', 'Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww' escape from this gang. A lot of ribbons , gifts and greeting cards may also be passed around , leading to delight of the birthday girl and a certain archies gallery owner and obviously interest of all guys was on that table.
4. The "kya kool hai hum" boys
This is the symmetrical opposite of all above 3 category. But boys are boys, they sounds highly unsophisticated and much more unrestrained in terms of their colorful vocabulary. 'Abbe ******, pizza kaunsa mangwaye?', 'Ganguly to G**** hain', '**** ***', 'Check her out', 'abey teri chaavi (mumbai language for gf) se baat karun kya?', 'teri maa ki ankh' are some examples suitable for an above 18 audience. Their table manners are in urgent need of upgradation. Any delay in getting the food on table may lead to heated reactions by these boys, unless there is enough of category 3 around to keep their minds off food. The payment is the most tense and crucial moment, when frequent references to previous 'saale-tujhe-mere-200-dene-hai-pehle-ke' 'abey lend me 50 bugs now' 'mere tu bhar de'.
5. The "na tum bolo na hum" couple
I am really confused about this variety. I mean, if a man and a woman don't want to talk, what kinda gunpoint threat got them together at mall? And what kind of gf & bf who don't even talk with eachother. Amen I wish I could have gf who just hate to speak . . hehehe These people avoid eye contact with each other, smile with the comfort of a nun in a nightclub and keep looking out of the nearest window with the classical philosphical expression. The most elaborate conversations they strike up are about the temperature of the soup, which last for about thirteen seconds, including the sighs and coughs.
6. The 'tanha tanha yahan pe jeena' organism
Primarily, This category excatly suits myself. These are people in wait for their friends/girlfriends/boyfriends/blind dates/dates who can see. The waiters eye them suspiciously, clearly distressed by the person's sipping a single coke over the last forty minutes. The fellow passes his time by sipping the drink with the hurry of a super slow motion vision stump camera, blows bubbles in the glass , spends time by memorising every name in the menu card, or just looking at other people.
Well there is some more people who don't fit any above category, about them will write some other day. Chill maar yaar. Have a good day!!
No comments:
Post a Comment