"Serendipity" Part - 13

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Part - 13
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(The Last Letter to her)

There were times when life puzzled me and you were there. You had the pieces to those puzzles. Even I have tried my best to do the same for you. You know, what makes me sad?

After a few years or may be after a few months, you will take your puzzle-pieces and walk away, and I will do the same-I will have to. We can't leave our fragments in each other's life, can we? We will just stand up and walk away from each other, like nothing ever happened.

It surely will hurt though, the way I so carefully put all those pieces in places and suddenly I will have to break it all apart. But that is life I suppose. You have to move on; you have to start afresh and try finding a new solution to that puzzle. Can't say about you but I surely will be left a bit confused. I have this bad habit you know, staying confused.

Sometimes I pull myself away from you and sometimes I just want to be next to you. Strange, isn't it? Extremes of the opposites.

Our relationship? No. Don’t even try giving it a name. I have spent nights thinking about it, but can't say about you. May be you know the right name to it. But then don't tell me anything about it, not even a hint. I just am happy with my confusion.

Last night I went for a walk and when I returned,
I found my beautiful life, twisted and turned,
Its taking me long to make it all fine,
And often I stop and write a few lines,
And then a question bothers me:-
When the curtain falls and the show starts rewinding,
Will I be the one...the last man standing?

"Love gave me more than it took from me. It gave me tears but today when I think about them, I feel I am the luckiest.”

No one knows what I went through and how I stood up again to walk. But that is the part of my life that gives me strength every time I fall down. It made me realize how important I am to myself. When I held myself, when I splashed water on my face this morning to wash off the tears, when I sang myself to sleep, when I felt the pain slowly seep into me every time I faked a smile, I realized that I could face anything in life...For me love was always about expectations and... I was a fool."

Love

Good Bye. Take Care.

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End of Serendipity
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"Serendipity" Part - 12

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Part - 12
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(Boys do cry)

Yes Boy’s do cry. They cry in presence of nature. Anything can trigger it. A song, a word, a love, a care, a dream, a destiny, feelings that hurt like anything. Boys do have a heart that cringes and silently dies down with the spasm of pain making it without warning.

The last conversation with her made him to take a deep breathes and then finally ends up with a sigh, long enough for the moon to go through a full cycles of its game of eclipses.

Tears swell in his eyes but it stopped for a moment before bursting out; he thought for the moment as if his tears are worth of the pain he was going through last ten years. He lay curled and bent, like a fetus on his bed with the pillow between his knees. He kept the lights on because the sight of his shaking body was making him comfortable. He found himself not alone in this situation. His saw the site where his thighs stopped shivering when he held it tightly.

He clenched his teeth to keep the commotion down, to keep it all silent and unnoticed. But all his efforts went to vein when he surrenders to his emotions and the pain crawls out as a desperate scream. He bites the quilt; the cry keeps into the thread and cotton and disappeared forever. He wondering with the number of cries it holds in itself, how many screams of angst and pain it holds.

The nails start to etch lines and arches on the skin-thin lines, white, speckled by the broken lines of red, where the nail cuts through the skin. He cried in sobs so as to keep the world at bay. The sobs slowly turn to hiccups and then He whispered "What was my fault?"He looked around, everything looks blurred. Tears, they say, make everything blurred. He wiped them off but they came back again, like they flow from a fountain of perpetuation. Like small rivulets they make their way through his cheeks, leaving wet trails.

The gasps and the sobs, the hiccups, every expression of pain turn them into sputters-mixed with saliva they scatter out of existence.

“I pity myself. I cry because I pity the way I suffer; unknown and unnoticed” he whisperedslowly the body loses its tautness; loosens like an untying noose. There's no need to wipe off the tears or wash my face. It knows how to smile.

He opens the door, lock it and walk with his slippers on. Punching numbers on my mobile, pretending to call someone he walked along the corridor. He switched off the cell.

He reaches to the main gate of the building. The rusted Iron Gate, wet with dew. The moon shines with its brightest of faces. The stars twinkling in a subtle but controlled frenzy. He looked at them, made patterns and rearrange them.

Sky, stars, moon and He

"Serendipity" Part - 11

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Part - 11
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(In this part he is reciprocating to her answers)

You have changed. You are not the one I once met by the twilight's warp. You are not the one I talked to who looked like being covered with the golden slivers of sunshine. You are not that beach girl with whom I had my life best of best moments. Not the same dreamy woman but a brittle, ageing girl; not the fine silk or satin but a crumbled sheet of cotton.

Your words now come drenched in a breath of coffee; your sighs now wear smoke rings around them. Your voice not soft but wrapped in barbwires of arrogance, your smile not born but drawn from a cellar of old and used pleasantries.

And you, not yourself but a slave to the body of your illusions. You carry along with yourself your own definitions of happiness. You wear them, drive them, eat them, drink them and use them. The definitions.

We don't talk like we used to; our words approach each other like suited men, greet, sit and then discuss the "business" and the "purpose". I try going back to the old days and you laugh it off in a wisp of smoke and then you push it aside like some unwanted file on your table. Then you shower me with the answers of all my questions which I had never asked. So impertinent.

You laugh when not desired, you smirk when not expected, and you sympathized when not asked for. And I see all the colors of your face on the thousand tiny mirrors that sit glued to your well decorated wall and watch us like prying eyes.

Her gaze was fixed on the cup of coffee that she was so silently stirring. The dark whirlpool funnels deeper as the teaspoon scrapes against the walls of the cup. Her silence unfolds its own comprehension.

He stood up and said "Goodbye. Nice meeting you."

"Serendipity" Part - 10

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Part - 10
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(In this part she is answering the entire questions he had for her)

"...you can never face what I face every day, you will crumble before you even stand at the place where I do, and you are nothing.

You love the walls of your artificial world, and you think you have seen it all. You frame your past, admire them and show them to me as your prized possessions. You let your veins fill with pride which has turned your sighs to heaves, your anger to grudge and your hope to greed.

Fear the curse of those you ignored, of those who wanted a place in your heart but you stood there as an idol of stone and watched them return empty handed.

You compromise, you disguise and you rephrase but you don't have the courage to face it. You don't have the courage to fight as you fear the scars they will leave. So, you accept defeat but no, you don't say you were defeated, you say you didn't fight as it is of no use, as if you knew the consequences.

You disgust me when you lie to yourself that you don’t love me. You betray me when you lie to me that you don’t love me. You show me a different face, different from the one you admire everyday in your mirror, different from the one you feel sorry for as people pass by without ignoring it. But you have eyed more innocent than the guilty. You were blinded by your obsession with past and fear for future.

You have a heart of glass but to me you show it as cold ice. You think you are strong? You have no answers to your failures, you fear that you will lose again and so you show your back to the world and that’s the reason you never stopped me and asked me to get back in your life. Did you??

You asked me “What do you know about me?” The words I speak, speak of nothing. You turn the words around before you read them, you twist them, you bend them because you don't love them the way they are but you try to mould so that they would fit in your artificial world.

Hah! Solitude is bliss! You sleep with your alibis and make love to your ego. You don't have the courage to open the doors and you say you love the darkness. You can't stand the beauty outside and you say you love what you are.

Stay where you are, how you are and what you are. You think I am happy, you think I do not care about you, you think the world doesn't care about you. But wait. When destiny will push you into the fire, when despair will burn your flesh, when defeat will scour your skin, when your hands for help will return empty, when your guilt will shatter your house of glass, you will remember these words. And I will stand and watch, watch you burn, watch your blood burst out of veins and quench the fire. And then when you will raise your hand for me, I will hold you as I am not you...I am not you...I am not you." And she started crying a loud. She couldn’t hold herself anymore.

It was a complete silence around both. He just kept staring at her; he looked the way she was crying but didn’t found any courage to hold her.

He felt restless, his mind was thinking something but his heart was crying. He realized all things, he summarized all ten years from day when they left each other. He just couldn’t able to get the things done. He was amazed with the flow of words from her.

He found himself far below her, he knew.

"Serendipity" Part - 9

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Part - 9

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She looked into his eyes. He was looking towards moon but tears were rolling from his eyes to his chin. She saw that and she couldn’t control herself anymore and she also started crying.

“Plz, don’t cry. I know you. I had seen your face almost every night. I am also vulnerable to the pain which you are going through” she said to him.

He responded to her but this time a frustration was clearly visible in his words. “What do you know about me? What is that you know? What do you know of my pain? All you see is my face.” He responded

“Why are you feeling pity about yourself??” she said

“Self-pity? Yes, I pity myself. I pity the way I suffered. I pity the way I burned those nights. Time didn't give my share of mourning and it stayed all inside. It still is there, burning. It burns me every night. No matter how loud I laugh, how high I jump, how much I cry, it stays there” He said

“Why are you getting so much angry? Don’t you see sympathy for you in my eyes? Don’t you??” she looked into his eyes

Yes, I am angry. Fucking angry. To hell with all your sympathy. Live a single night that I lived and you will crumble.

“Do you think is that all easy for me?? Just compare your fate and mine?? You will see the difference” she lose control on herself

All you know is compare. You, a part of this race that compares everything, jealous of everything, of even sadness. All you do is compare your sorry fate with mine and then fling verdicts at me but don’t feel proud of yourself?

“Yes, I am proud of myself. I am proud of the way I faced everything. I am proud of my coldness, of my fake smiles, of my strength. See the sights I saw and your walls of strength will crumble to dust. Your eyes will well, your heart will pound against the ribs, your lungs will scream for a breath. But wait, you have to smile through all this! You can't cry, not even sob; you have to hold everyone. You have to be strong. And I am proud of myself.” She defended herself

He couldn’t able to utter a single word, he kept listening to her.

But God it hurts. It hurts like hell. I want to speak out. Let go of everything. Someone who would hold me and ask, "Tell me everything. Tell me what all happened to you. Tell me and I will listen." I let no one see me burn but today I need someone to know all that. No, I don't need any sympathy. But I want everything out of me. But how will I make sure that all that's out? Only when someone will tell me, "It's okay. It was not your fault. It has all passed. Stop crying." She continued.

“I was always there standing alone to help you.” He said

“Can you help me measure my pain? Help me please. I beg. Take my life but help me live for a moment. I feel so drowned. So alone. So tired of pretending that I have got over everything”

“Even I want my everything back. I want my innocence back, my life free of worries. I am afraid that in my attempt of running away from my past, from my worries I am running away from the ones who love me the most. They remind me of everything. I am so far from them now. I want to get close to them. I want them”. He said

“I want that cuddle of friends, that warmth of my parents, those nights I shared with listening to you. I want you back. I want your shoulders to lean on. I want you please.” He continued.

"Serendipity" Part - 8

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Part - 8

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He looked into her eyes to see the answer he wanted from her. He stood from a couch, walked closer to her. Now he stood in front of her. He asked for her hand. She couldn't deny it. Her heart had no more control over her mind. It didn't listen any of a call from her mind.

He held her hand, and took her near a balcony of her well furnished home. He pointed towards a moon, which was in a full shape today. They both stepped out from the boundary of a relationship, a boundary of the friendship. For the moment they forgot everything, they were here like they were ten years before. They were still holding each others hand, but this time more tightly and starring towards a moon. Moon has its own effect own them. They fall back to their old memory days, a day when they were out for a trip to a beach with their friends.

He started "I opened my old album yesterday after almost ten years. And I found you. You were dressed in your favorite half-shirt and half-pants. You had knotted your shirt above your belly. Your belly was clearly visible. That gesture of yours still excites me every time I remember it. I stand next to you with your arms around my shoulders. We both were striking a pose for the camera. The background of a blue bed-sheet with patterns of flowers stitched on it, hangs behind us. We were smiling.

I turn to the next page and I find you sitting on the broken wall of an old house on beach. You watch me from there as I play with the sand on the beach. I dig holes, scoop and fill my hands with the sand. With a twig I then scrap off the sand from behind my nails. I look at you then, smiling. You look back and jump on to the heap from that wall. We build our first sand-castle.

We got tired and we slept over their. You were leaning towards me with your brows furrowed. I am on my belly, lying, peeking into your eyes, with the characters of the story, you started telling to me about all your family, your brother, you mom and dad. Hours pass together. I yawn. I say, "Rest family drama tomorrow. I looked into your eyes and I saw something and changed my words. No, tonight after dinner!"

You smile, "I can finish it now if you want me to." "No!", I say, "I want the full of your bakwass gossip tonight." "Ok", you say and you slap me with the love. I tried to have a fake anger; you ran off towards the beach, I ran off behind you. I caught you near sea. We both fell into the sea; you became wet so I was. I held both of your hand, I saw love in your eyes, and same love was visible in my eyes. I held your hand more tightly. Your eyes got closed; I came close to you, a very close to you near your lips. You felt my hot breath and you opened your lips, I sensed it what you wanted and I reciprocated you with the same intense. A complete lust took over to love for the moment, away from all, in the presence of sea.

We broke that moment. I stand with anxious eyes, nervous. You play to find something in the wanted, the thing you do when you are worried, you nervous. You walk out of the sea and then walk back in to the house. You walk out again and in again you came out. You came and stand near me anxiously. You hugged me tight. You cry. I try figuring out why you are crying where it was no one's fault. But then I cry too. Just because you cried.

"Serendipity" Part - 7

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Part - 7

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"It's so easy to read you, so easy" she said to him.

"You can't hide your anger, your fear, and your frustration. Though you pretend a lot at times but every time you try, you fail. I don't know about others but it just takes a few seconds for me to know in what mood you are." She continued.

"You know what, you speak more when you are silent and when you speak, and all you try to do is show that you are not all that's so obvious. Lock me in a dungeon and smile, I will know; drown me in an ocean and cry, I will know; burn me to ashes and hate me and you will find my ashes flying away." She opened herself more.

He amazed with her understanding and the way she knew him. There was full of emotions flowing between them. He wanted to cry, wanted to cry aloud. He was missing her all those year, no one know him more than her.

"You will have to give me a sign, one of your stupid ways to hide your emotions and I will know. I swear I will be there then." She paused for a moment and looked into his eyes. He couldn't able to utter a single word. He was fighting with his fate, his feelings, and his emotions. He couldn't hold himself anymore and he burst into the tears.

"I am all alone from last ten years, from a day when you went away from me", he told her with wet eyes.

"There was no one to listen me; a sudden change of surroundings was beating me more than healing me. It was so difficult to change myself into next orbit, I couldn't able to done that. I just couldn't able to forget you. I couldn't able to get married and settle in the life because there was no one to take your position except you. I had missed you so much." He continued.

She couldn't pretend to remain strong for long time, wetness in his eyes making her weak enough to roll her tears from eyes to heart. But she held herself in a shock when she listened that "he is still single". But why? Is that a milestone of the love? Is that a sacrifice? Is that I am the reason for it? Guilt of making someone suffer a lot was flawing over her heart. She couldn't able to look into his eyes.

"Why, why have u done that?" she asked him.

"I had never measured relationships in miles, but yes there were times when the distance between us has shaken my faith. I ask myself how would have life shaped without you and I found this huge empty space. Sometimes I feel may be someone would have taken your place and given me more than what you have given to me. But I found it hard to think of someone else in your place, you know, everything looks so odd and off the place. Even the remains of the misunderstandings we had and we have, fit so perfectly in my world. If I remove it, it will make my life so incomplete. Funny, isn't it? Whatever harsh words you used or I said, in whatever way we have hurt each other, everything has become a part of this life that we shared; everything completes the design. It's a complete design of my life." He sighed. .

"Serendipity" Part - 6

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Part - 6
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A moment which was like eternity to them got revoked by her child. She gained all the sense but her eyes were still finding no other way except his eyes.

She introduced him to her husband as her old college friend, she looked into his eyes for gratification, but he chooses to skip eye contact with her. He was feeling numb, his hands were getting cold, he was feeling restless as he know this moment will get end abruptly anytime and he don't know how to ask her for contact no?? Same was happening with her also. She was eager as him to get rid of contact number but how can she?? "Can't you give me your no??" she murmured. And even god wanted to them meet again, her husband invited him for a lunch on next Saturday. He accepted it wisely.

She looked into his eyes. His eyes were saying, "No, I won't ask you anything. I don't need your any favor. I know how to be alone and i will walk away the way i had come. I will not stay. But plz help me to heal my soul" She recognized an anger, a frustration, a persuasion inside him. She wanted to say him "Tell me what happened. Tell me everything and I will listen. I will stay mum and wait for you to finish. You can lean on me, let your tears flow down my shoulders, and wipe your eyes with my sleeve. But don't let anything stay inside".

It's like both were listening each other without bartering any words. Only few people can do that whose heart beats in the rhythm. There was a complete void of silence between them. They were not uttering a single word but listen every word they wanted to exchange.

But time has its own speed, time doesn't wait for anyone and it didn't wait for them also. As time passed by, they were becoming more restless. They knew it that time will get end soon, he hurriedly broke the silence and accepted invitation of his husband. He said "I will join you for a lunch next Saturday, Thanks".

He handshake with her husband. Her husband and child moved ahead towards exit but she was still looking into a pretending gesture of his saying "all well", she knew it. Their eyes met, no one wants to say anything, they tried to understand without a barter of words, they did and understood.

"Bye", He said. "Bye", she said. But their eyes were saying something different. With the resonance of relationship they shared with each other both got apart.

He was walking to some place lonely tonight as always but today he felt to hide himself in the shadow of those trees there; so tightly they held on to solitude for so many years and tonight he feels to borrow that solitude. But why he was trying so hard as he knew that surrender was the only answer to his anxiety?

I sigh on the count of every twenty stride he took; something that has fallen in place between him and her, their sighs. Everything else just hangs in the mid air; as confused. The questions resurface like bubbles from the deep within. He was barely holding anything tonight. Tonight it seems he will fall for her again. He again saw her face when he closed his eyes. He fought for a sleep but he lost. He opened his eyes again and remains awaked.

He was getting ready for the lunch day. He was confused what to speak, what to say, to get angry or calm. He was just out of his mind and a day arrived where he found himself alone with her in her house after a lunch.

"Serendipity" Part - 5

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Part - 5
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For the moment he closed his eyes. He lend himself back to that day, a day when he met her last time, ten years ago a flashback with the closed eye. "Bye" she said. He didn't replied to her bye. He was looking into her eyes, without a word he was saying everything to her. His eyes were so expressive at that time even words fall short at that time. She wanted to get away from his sight but his eyes but she couldn't dare to get away from his sight. Tears in his eyes was easily visible and making them shine little more.

"Moving back to end of road, far from each other, last phone call to meet last time, a day when she said she is getting engaged. A fight when she said its too late now. A fight when he didn't understood his love for her. Last day of college, that first gift, their laugh, their first date, their first outing with the friends, his first photo with her and a flash from camera" that flash recovered him to open his eyes.

He felt like a time has rewind against the rule of nature. And he is standing there from the ages to see this moment, to see her. He was feeling weak now, he actually was not believing what he was seeing but he came to sense and saw a face which he has seen a lot many times in his dreams. She was standing in front of him unaware of him. His mind stopped working and heartbeats became more fast. He was in a state which he had never felt before. He wanted to escape from the situation. He was not prepared for this moment. "GOD, you can't be so kind with me" he said with closed eyes. He hide himself behind the stall away from her vision. "what to do?? what to do??" he was in a twist but neither his heart nor his mind ready to answer.

"Is that so happen in the love??" Why heart and mind don't work together when people are in love?? You craved for your love when you are far away but when your love is in front of your eyes why your mind and heart don't support you at that time, why??

He was standing behind the stall. He felt a silence around him. And again for the moment he closed his eyes. He found this silence threatening this time and suddenly his heart broke the silence with the something, something even he didn't expected. Heart has a complete control on him and he decided to broke the barrier. He don't wanted to loose this opportunity as he had lost last time.

He was moving towards her slowly, his mouth was drying, he was falling short of words, he don't know what to speak? how to react? what to say?? It has been ten years now he was waiting for the moment and when moment came he was not prepared for it. It took thousands of thoughts, ten years of memory to take those ten steps towards her. Finally he reached near her back was facing towards him. "she was wearing same color kurti which she had wear on their first date" He noticed.

"Hh h iii", he said in very faint voice with all courage he has stored for this moment in last ten years.

She heard the voice, she knew this voice. She had heard this voice so manytimes. Her heart missed a bit for moment. "He can't be here, he can not be here" she grumbled these words and turned back.

For countless seconds she kept starring him, she could not able to utter single word. She kept starring him. Her eyes filled up with the tears, He noticed it, she knew it.

She said, "Hi" after almost a minute.

He found her fumbled with the words. He acknowledged it what she wanted to say, He knew it.

And suddenly both recovered from that moment, a moment which can not be captured in the words, that only can be feel with the emotions. Both of them will not forget that moment. The moment which pulled both of them a close, they felt last ten years like a last ten days. It was those moment where you froze the time around you. Because it was the indifference of the world that they watched passing by, but not he, not she, not their silence, not their distance . . .

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End of Part - 5
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"Gurubhai"

It has been year now i am with you gurubhai!! It feels rejuvenate after seeing almost hundred post on blog.

Coming to Gurubhai, why gurubhai?? this question has been asked many times to me. Well need to give answer today.

Gurubhai, name itself suggest what a man!! but this is not only for particular man this for all those people who had have developed mastery in their respective field. Gurubhai name itself suggest wholeness, master of everything. This name always made me excited as i am right now. This is ongoing motivation for me. It is my desire to become and it my goal to reach. It is stage/frame where all look at you.

For me its more than name, it is motivation, it is feelings for a man who has made everyone happy around him!!

Thanks a lot to everyone who came here to read my thoughts !!

Happy Birthday Gurubhai!!

"Serendipity" - 4

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Part - 4
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First time after so many years he was humming a song. He was like a energetic young guy with a smile on a face, in love with someone and out for the date, first time ever. He was behaving like never before it did astonished many ones around him but for him it was like same day when he was out with her first time in college days.

"That was a rainy day and he was waiting near the far end of her home on his bike. She came little late, she smiled, waving hand to him and her eye blinked couple of time like saying sorry silently. He dissolved in the beauty of her, all his anger melted down when he looked in her eyes. He looked her from top to bottom escaping her eyes, His heartbeats got faster. He still remember that kurti color which she had wore. It started raining when they were on their way for the first date, they didn't stopped, they wanted to be together, to feel each drop of rain together. Each drop of the rain crashed against his body like wet needles and splash into a thousands tiny droplets. She dripped off his wet hair with her tiny finger. She flow down his face and dissolve a part of his into her. He wanted her so badly at that moment, he realized it today. And it is she again, bringing him back to what he is, which he had forgotten many years ago"

He still remember the streaks of lightning sound like making a way for them down to earth. Dark clouds of that day vanished from the sky today but still they are looking at him like they were looking at them that day.

"Do you pity me? Don't look at me like that" he murmured while looking at the sky.

She was getting ready for the day, it was same weekend for her but she was feeling something different today. She is accentuate on her looks today. She was wearing kurti. she was feeling a lighter as after many days they were going out. "It will help me to divert my mind for someday", she thought. But there was some shift in her behavior, she was smiling more, she was looking more beautiful, she was feeling younger. She remembered a word "Complete Package" he has given to her while looking herself into mirror, she just smiled.

They reached to the shopping mall. It was a well developed multi branded shopping mall having all the latest brands outlet and children gaming zone. "Moma, i want to play games and i want to have icecream also" her boy startled. "Not now", she ignored.

As this was their first visit to that mall, she wanted to roam around, to throw herself to each store like teenaged girl, same she used to do in her college days with him. But guys were having different idea. Her husband and child excused to her and went straight to the gaming zone and having their own fun. But she was missing some company today while roaming around the mall. She knew, whom she is missing.

He was sitting just outside the gaming zone in cafeteria and watching young children playing games. He always have fond of young children and he enjoys watching them playing.

Her husband was busy in playing games meanwhile her child somehow managed to escape him and was adoring ice creams near cafeteria. He saw this child and his eyes were glued on him.

He got attracted to that child. His face looks familiar with the face he see every night before sleeping. He couldn't able to stop himself and he got up and walked towards that boy. He stopped near that boy, and he realized boy's face looks like her face. He spoke with that boy and bought ice cream for him. He hugged that boy and left the cafeteria. But his eye's were following boy till that boy reached to his dad again. The ray of hope ignited just before comes to an end but he was feeling something different today. He was sensing something different going to happen today. He just looked around every where one more time. He did not found anyone.

Her husband was asking about that person to his child but he didn't bothered about much and they went near her in one of the outlet. Her child was telling about that unknown man to her and was describing him. Round long face, long hair, pointed nose, medium built, etc while listening that she started to imagine "him". She looked around one more time to find someone like him but she did not found anyone.

While going out from the mall his eyes again trace to that child but this time child was with someone. she was wearing same color kurti, almost same kurti which she was wear on their first date.

His legs got tumbled, he found goose bum's all round his body. same height, same visual aspect, same body, same hair style, same fragrance, he just stopped over their, he was not able to see anything around him except her. His vision became blurred, "his eyes were filled with tears" He realized. A drop of a tear fall from the corner of the eyes, on his cheek and touching his lips. For the moment he closed his eyes.


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End of Part - 4
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"Serendipity" - 3

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Part - 3
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Part - 1

Part - 2

She was feeling more lighter and secure after looking into his pics which he has sent to her many years ago. But things didn't worked out as per her will isn't it?? There is already one script penned by god and as per law of love, relationship you never able to quench your intensity for your love in fact her intensity got more vigorous. "I just need to meet him somehow, I just want to speak with him, Plz GOD", she murmured.

He stands on this side and she on the other. When he flinch, she also flinch along with him. They hear their footsteps, they hear each other talking, they hear each others silence. He find his presence converse with her. He find the moss of time as a trail submission on it. The only barter they practice was of words, whispers, silences and sighs. They just hope that it reached the other side, the other side of the wall. They hope that their words, feelings, love has that strength to climb across that wall.

It has been really long time to hear each others voice practically. He started to remember their last meeting ten years ago,"both were walking towards each other from the opposite end of that road. That afternoon of the past when the sun shone on that dusty, cleared path, he was walking on it and that was the last time she was also walking on the same path towards him. And after walking for long, they stubbed at rear end of the road, they stopped. She looked into his eyes but he required so much strength to look into her eyes for the last time, he knew that. They heard each other for the last time. And they depart" With the wet eyes he decided to break that barrier, "he can't stay now, he can't bear this undefined pain for all long his life. He want to meet her, he want to see her even if she don't want"

And as some divine was listening to their craves, measuring their intensity, it happened, it took 10 years although but it happened, That day finally arrived without their awareness but for them only. Again its a play of nature, rules have been defined by god.

It was bright Sunday morning. Day for their shopping, outing, You can say day for her child where she and her husband will have time together. This is now occasion for her husband lately become so much busy in his work. They decided to chip in to the newly developed shopping mall on other side of the city.

He was living like a cattle, all alone but his recent decision to find her and meet her was having a real reaction on him. "I needs to do some shoppe" He thought to himself. And decided to chip in to the newly developed shopping mall.

**********************
End of Part - 3
**********************

Happy Birthday Bro !!

Well I know this will be unusal to you, to read words rather than listening them that too from someone who stays with you all day. But for me it is one ways to express our deep bonding which we have and will have for the unseen future.

Things have been turned out good for you last year and i know things will be fantastic for you next year also. There is nothing really which you can not achieve if you desire. And yes i have seen that burning desire and focus in you but as we know there is no real limit of our desire it seems to me endless and it has to be endless isnt it??

Well I can wright a lot more here but coming to the day, your birthday . .

wishing you many many happy returns of the day brother. All your wishes may get fulfill this year.


Happy Birthday Bro

Stretch Beyond Your Limits

"Serendipity" - 2

**********************
Part - 2
**********************
Click here for Part - 1

Days were passing as usual for him. One fine brighter and cooler day he was sitting near lake side of his office campus. From beneath the trees he looks at the sun. The rays twinkle through the leaves. Not even a single fluff of cloud, not even a the smirk of white on the blue sky. It was leaving time now as the "common man" waits to reach home to his family. But here he has no one in his family. He was staying alone with her thoughts with memory of all those days.

"If death is only the thing unavoidable then what is this? Why is it so impossibly compulsive? Why is it so unfair? Why only i suffers when it is not my fault at all? What mystery this relationship holds more?" He thought to himself.

With the sight of wind blowing all along a lake and with the lustful retribution he wraps his arms around him. He flinches a bit, a flutter of desperation, and then surrenders. The eyes close by themselves, the teeth clench tight by themselves, the heart slows down...by itself.

"Is it all so possible? Can it be ignored? If yes, then why this heart still refuses to let go when it has bleeded all its life for something so unattainable? But then does it really want that?" his unstoppable mind keeps on thinking.

Few dead leaves ride the breeze and land on his shoulder. They cling to his shirt as if they have stopped on their way for a conversation. He opens his eyes. A face appears, something happen inside, he get attracted to that face. Deep silent around him making his thoughts more vibrant like never before. He takes a deep breathe.

A voice from soul, his one and only friend appeared in front of him saying "how can you be so childish, so naive? "It's nothing but just another story that will be forgotten with time.There are a thousand such stories and people talk about them in the evening gatherings". But then "why this pain if all is so normal and ignorable? Why this weakness? Why i am trying so hard to ignore it if the thing holds no importance to me?" He answered.

A column of ants carry a dead butterfly on their shoulders. At some distance another butterfly flutters and flies around in an uncertain path. He throws his backpack next to it and sits on it. His palms cover his face; a private night for the eyes. But not more than 5 minutes he sits like that. He takes out his mobile, reaches the Message Box and in there he writes her name, with so much love that his sight blurs with tears.

Few more days, and then weeks, and then months, and then years. It will all turn into pictures in a scrapbook, like childhood memories. And then these longing will be left with no choice but to hold the hands of the time and walk into the same frames.

Same flames were also burning inside her. Somehow she became restless from last few days. Her concentration was getting weak and she started to forgot the things which she were able to remember in sleep also. "Is it something wrong?" she asked herself.

She started to have a lot more time alone with herself. Some thoughts were continuously pondering her, trying to poke into her mind even though she don't wanted. But now they have penetrated, dissect her strong mind which has hold on her thoughts from last so many years. She was getting weak with her thoughts.

She desperately open her laptop, logged in to her gmail and searched for his mail where he has sent his pic along with the beautiful poem for her. She was silent for few minutes, staring to his picture. Her mind became more calmer now after seeing his pic. Her mind is now getting more vulnerable with his thoughts.

**********************
End of Part - 2
**********************

"Serendipity"

*************************
Part - I
*************************

She was sitting alone, sipping a coffee, watching wonderful play of nature from window, thinking about all those days went behind her. She has a long hair, deep magnetic eyes, structured body. She was caring her hair with her finger while doing that she fell back in a dream, she saw a blurred face of a guy, she knew who is he but she don't want to proclaim that, no one knows about him and even she don't want to but your heart always do what you don't want and she started dreaming about all those days, their first meeting, their first fight, those all proposals, a day when he went away from her, a phone call which she made to him, invitation of her marriage, wetness in his eyes, all those moments still alive very fresh in her mind, deep down the heart, And suddenly she awaked from her dream, she was surprised by her thoughts, it has been ten years now, her eyes became wet, she knew, she still loves him, she still feel for him but its a nature's play she has to accept that. Then a door bell rang, her seven year boy came back from play school and she again transformed herself from silent lover to a housewife, a mother.

She got up from the couch, washed her face and started to talk with her little boy. But today she was missing someone, she was not in her best mood, she was in deep thoughts of someone and suddenly her little boy asked her, " what happen ma?" she realized and cursed herself for all those thoughts she had for while and she hugged her child tightly, again a drop of water tumbled from her eyes to her son's shoulder. She again promised herself for not to think about him as she has done that so many times before also but as we know heart don't understand social language, it works as per rule made by god, it only understands feelings, love, emotions. she started to talk with her child to divert her mind, her heart from his thoughts. "Is that something different today?" she thought herself as she haven't missed someone so much from last few years.

"Ohh God, why can't i??" He whispered to himself, asking to god that why can't i forget her?? He is doing all well and trying to forget her since he left her from that day by concentrating on his work. He has done everything well in his life so far. He is successful professionally. He had fulfilled every wish of his parents but still he feels emptiness in his life. He has made everyone happy around him but he was far from happiness. He knew the reason but the promise he has made to her was more important than anything else. He is still bachelor, waiting for magic to happen, an illusive magic where he and she live together happily forever but He knew the fact and he came back to sense from his imagination, back to reality. He was taking lunch in the food court of his office and saw a girl and guy sitting in front of him, seems to be very good friends, and he remembered his days and he just smiled.

Days are passing as usual for her. She has lot many things to do in her daily routine, she manage all well her child, her husband, her work but lately she always found herself alone as her child has grown up now and her hubby's job is on full flow so things have been lot more automated. She was not a kind of person who live mechanical life but lately time has demanded that from her and she is struggling with her thoughts. Her husband is gentalmen but somehow she couldn't expressed herself what she is to her husband neither her husband understood. But she never claimed that infact she respect her husband alot.

It is wonderful emotional play, two desperate heart, two silent lover staying in the same city, unknown to each other, struggling with their feelings, thoughts but still making everyone happy around them except themselves, its burden of feelings they have on their heart neither they can share it with anyone neither they can bare this trauma of their feelings. Why this happen to people who are so close to each other from heart but so far in reality. Well God knows everything what he is doing and infact we will get only what we deserve irrespective of what we want.

*************************
End of Part - I
*************************

If you can . .

• If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
  

• If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too;
  

• If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or, being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
  

• If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
  

• If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
  

• If you can meet with triumph and disaster And treat those two imposters just the same;
  

• If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to broken, And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;
  

• If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breath a word about your loss;
  

• If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch; If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; If all men count with you, but none too much;
  

• If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run - Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

I believe

I believe
that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.

I believe
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every
once in a while and you must forgive
them for that.

I believe
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

I believe
that you should always leave loved ones
with loving words. It may be the last
time you see them.

I believe
that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.

I believe
that even when you think you have no more
to give, when a friend cries out to you
you will find the strength to help.

Tenu Dil Da Vasta

Ajj Din Chadheya
Tere Rang Warga
Ajj Din Chadheya
Tere Rang Warga

Phul Sa Hai Khila Aaj Din
Rabba Mere Din Yeh Na Dhale
Woh Jo Mujhe Khawab Mein Mile
Use Tu Lagede Abb Gale
Tenu Dil Da Vasta

Rabba Aaya Dar De Yaar De
Sara Jahan Chod Chad Ke
Mere Sapne Sawar De
Tennu Dil Da Vasta

Ajj Din Chadheya
Tere Rang Warga

Baksha Gunaho Ko
Sun Ke Duwao Ko
Rabba Pyaar Hai
Tune Sab Ko Hi De Diya

Meri Bhi Aahon Ko
Sun Le Duwao Ko
Mujhko Woh Dila Mene Jisko Hai Dil Diya
Hoooo

Baksha Gunaho Ko
Sun Ke Duwao Ko
Rabba Pyaar Hai
Tune Sab Ko Hi De Diya

Meri Bhi Aahon Ko
Sun Le Duwao Ko
Mujhko Woh Dila Mene Jisko Hai Dil Diya

Aasmaan Pe Aasmaan Uske De Itna Bata
Woh Jo Mujhko Dekh Ke Hase
Pana Chahun Raat Din Jise

Rabba Mere Naam Kar Use
Tenu Dil Da Vasta

Ajj Din Chadheya
Tere Rang Warga

Manga Jo Mera Hai
Jata Kya Tera Hai
Mene Kaun Si
Tujhse Jannat Manga Li

Kaisa Khuda Hai Tu
Bas Naam Ka Hai Tu

Rabba Jo Teri Itni Si Bhi Na Chali

Haaanaaa

Manga Jo Mera Hai
Jata Kya Tera Hai
Mene Kaun Si
Tujhse Jannat Manga Li

Kaisa Khuda Hai Tu
Bas Naam Ka Hai Tu

Rabba Jo Teri Itni Si Bhi Na Chali

Chahiye Jo Mujhe
Kar De Tu Mujhko Ata

Jeeti Rahi Saltanat Teri
Jeeti Rahe Ashiqui Meri

Dede Mujhe Zindagi Meri
Tenu Dil Da Vasta

Rabba Mere Din Yeh Na Dhale
Woh Jo Mujhe Khawab Mein Mile
Use Tu Lagede Abb Gale
Tenu Dil Da Vasta

Rabba Aaya Dar De Yaar De
Sara Jahan Chod Chad Ke

Mere Sapne Sawar De
Tennu Dil Da Vasta

Ajj Din Chadheya
Tere Rang Warga

Ajj Din Chadheya
Tere Rang Warga

Ajj Din Chadheya
Tere Rang Warga

Din Chadheya

Tere Rang Warga
Ajj Din Chadheya

What do you do when . . .

When there is hell of thoughts are running in your mind, asking you many questions abruptly?? And you couldnt answered even single question??

Well running behind the question or running from the question will never solve the question, just face those hard questions, one day surely you will answer them with your action.

Food Corner @ Inorbit City Mall

Well staying near by shopping malls is always being an advantageous. You have a friends, you have many friends who always don't like to stay home in weekend, suggest you to meet them at mall. So I decided to do upkar on mall by visiting it on this weekend and meet up some friends too. But mere friends sab IST follow karne walon meine se hai jo TIME VALUE concept mein bilkul nai mante, so I land up more than hour before in mall.

So, I found myself in a pizza hut with nothing to do over the next hour . I settled down at a corner table, plugged in my headphones, ordered a little something and casually looked around. Being an Analyst, I have to develop this inborn tendency to analyse a sneeze, so I used that hour to categorise the type of crowd that visits mall.

1. The loud and happy "hum saath saath hain" family
Wah Kya family hai. From Grandfather to Grandchildren everyone is there to have a fun. Now thoda detail mein jata hoon bowing respect to ladies of that family. Saas of that family was ditto to ditto matching with the Ekta Kapoor's serial saas. Silk pallu - scorpion bindi-saas murdering brigade of women, this breed is soon going to be listed with the "Akhil Bhartiya endangered species protection board". Everybody looks happy here, Daddy get to looks new chicks around the mall, Mummy is satisfied as she got chance to do shopping, kids are happy because they know that in spite of their dad looks so outrageous, he is going to order ice cream after pizza. This is one of the more noisy tables of the hut. In case it is a joint family, frequent peals of laughter accompanied by table slapping is evident. In case it is a sardaar joint family, frequent peals of roaring laughter accompanied by table upturning slapping is evident.

2. The coochie coochie "Kuch Kuch hota hain" couple

This is the karan johar sponsored couple which is usually a boyfriend-girlfriend combo pack. Just married couple who are yet to fall in the where-is-my-shirt-you-pick-kids-from-school' trap of married life may also qualify here.

They prefer to sit in remote corners of the hut, They sit as close as siamese twins , may eat from the same plate and the only time their hands are not holding each other's body parts is when they are holding spoons or forks. They don't laugh the typical 'Navjot singh sidhu' brand of loaring laughter. It is more like twittering accompanied by whispering into ears. In short, both of them are in complete bliss. For the guy, bliss ends much earlier, when the waiter brings the bill.

3. The "shehar ki ladki" tribe

The table which challenges every sound barrier with its shrieking and excited occupants. High school girls maybe. Even college girls, if they are slightly low on maturity. Usually, there is an occasion, which usually is the birthday of one of those ladies. Shrill and sharp pizza-toppling cries of 'wowwwwwwwwwwwwww', 'Howww chweeeeeeeeeeeet', 'Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww' escape from this gang. A lot of ribbons , gifts and greeting cards may also be passed around , leading to delight of the birthday girl and a certain archies gallery owner and obviously interest of all guys was on that table.

4. The "kya kool hai hum" boys

This is the symmetrical opposite of all above 3 category. But boys are boys, they sounds highly unsophisticated and much more unrestrained in terms of their colorful vocabulary. 'Abbe ******, pizza kaunsa mangwaye?', 'Ganguly to G**** hain', '**** ***', 'Check her out', 'abey teri chaavi (mumbai language for gf) se baat karun kya?', 'teri maa ki ankh' are some examples suitable for an above 18 audience. Their table manners are in urgent need of upgradation. Any delay in getting the food on table may lead to heated reactions by these boys, unless there is enough of category 3 around to keep their minds off food. The payment is the most tense and crucial moment, when frequent references to previous 'saale-tujhe-mere-200-dene-hai-pehle-ke' 'abey lend me 50 bugs now' 'mere tu bhar de'.

5. The "na tum bolo na hum" couple

I am really confused about this variety. I mean, if a man and a woman don't want to talk, what kinda gunpoint threat got them together at mall? And what kind of gf & bf who don't even talk with eachother. Amen I wish I could have gf who just hate to speak . . hehehe These people avoid eye contact with each other, smile with the comfort of a nun in a nightclub and keep looking out of the nearest window with the classical philosphical expression. The most elaborate conversations they strike up are about the temperature of the soup, which last for about thirteen seconds, including the sighs and coughs.

6. The 'tanha tanha yahan pe jeena' organism

Primarily, This category excatly suits myself. These are people in wait for their friends/girlfriends/boyfriends/blind dates/dates who can see. The waiters eye them suspiciously, clearly distressed by the person's sipping a single coke over the last forty minutes. The fellow passes his time by sipping the drink with the hurry of a super slow motion vision stump camera, blows bubbles in the glass , spends time by memorising every name in the menu card, or just looking at other people.

Well there is some more people who don't fit any above category, about them will write some other day. Chill maar yaar. Have a good day!!

What do you do when . . .

you are in office sitting in front of your desktop and feeling extreme fatigue . .

I dont know what happened in the morning but i was draining myself with some vague thoughts about something which i dont have any control ever, some thoughts making me tensed, i feel that some weight is continuously pondering me in my mind!!

well it is dull day for me . . i am continuously thinking that what if i have done that?? and what if i have done that??

I think its better to take a break . . I really need some fresh air . .

Bye tc

"A Fight Within Myself"

There is always "the one", who you ARE...
Then there is "the one", who you WANT to be...

And by default, the one you want to be is better...
Faster, higher, stronger...
Else there is no point imitating him...
You are better off otherwise...

Now, the million dollar question is..
How much???
How much you should run after for being the one you not are...
Or should you even try???

Every person CAN do certain things and CAN NOT the others...
I think, its better to cash on your positives...
Theres no point imitating and ruining self esteem...

Everyone CAN NOT be a Sachin Tendulkar...
You got to live with what you got...
You got limitations, work around them...
Cribbing didnt take anyone anywhere...
You'll find you most of the time sulking alone...

There is a very thin line between being ambitious and being lunatic...
But being ambitious has nothing to do with blindly aping others...

Be ambitious...
Set your targets...
Set your goals...
But dont do ONLY to prove a point to OTHERS...
What would you do with it after your ego is dealt with???

As one of my friend says..
"Do it.. Dont overdo it"

And as my mom says...
"Every one is different and unique"

Anyways, you are smart enough to decide...
Grass is always greener on the other side...

And above all...
Do not complain...
Do not blame...
It never took anyone anywhere...

Its better to be late rather than never
I am late to realize my destiny but i did realized it!!
And now i Know where i will fit and how i will do that

I know i am far behind in this RACE
But i am still running
Hope is still alive
And I will get paid off..
Just Believe in yourself!!

Persuasions

I owe this thoughts to my grooming developed mind or the kicks I had from my past failure. I mean every time some how I disappoint myself and again something new comes up and I thinks -"Just don't let down this time. You know how it feels when you are hurt, don't you?" that I try my best not to let down myself.

Well, you may think that I am being a bit showy and chucking lights at my virtues and righteousness but those who know me they don't think like that about me.

And today, when I am standing at the very place, where my decisions will highlight my repute; I am going through a scramble. Sometimes I feel I am forcing myself into and in doing that will certainly bruise a few and also me. I still don't understand the purpose of it but my heart still believe that I will do it!!

Practical and logical. The two words I have never understood and never will. I despised the very existence of those two words and weighed every damn thing with emotions as the counterweight. And people didn't like it or I should say they were concerned that I was too far from the real side of the world.

"Why should I am feeling tensed? I mean I am trying my best to keep every one happy with my efforts. I tried my best!" someone would say. But I am still feeling that I am sad!! I expect something from myself and I know I didn't gave that to me. I am sad because of me. How can I ignore that?" I would cry.

"Be practical! Grow up. You will sooner or later forget that and you should do that too. Just let go of this emotional stuff and live like everyone else lives. Be mean when you have to and keep your hands in your pocket. Take them out when you want to, not when they want you to. They will use you! Relax .You are a boy...", and the lecture would go on. But . . . questions still remain questions.

And I forced myself into a change that I never wanted to. I had to because everyone around me was doing that and I failing would result in hurting myself more. Well, that's what I have found. If you are hurt easily, if you can understand what the other feels and take every step not to hurt that person and if your expectations outweigh your logical quotients, then sorry, you are not fit to live in this world. I was an idiot. I used to pursue a lot of unpractical stuff.

Wake Up Shank !!

Accounts.. Finance.. Stocks.. Derivatives.. Balance Sheets.. Annual Reports...Equity...Future... Why i am thinking about this all the day??

Whats happening to me?
I am an engineer....
I am a Business Analyst in Telecom Company...
Why am I doing all this?
How can I be remotely bothered about A=L+E??

Wake up Shank wake up...That's your Dream!!
Smell the coffee...
See the sun...
Its not the same old world you wanted to be a part of a few days ago..

But it was a same world where i was living earlier also..It never shook me..

The world have gone wild now..Time have gone short now..

How am I supposed to tackle then?

Get wild son..Get Fast son

Not possible...

Eat or get eaten...

There HAS to be some other way around...

There isnt..

I dont believe you..

You would one day...

I doubt..

Better realize sooner than later..

What about the cliched aspects of having a patience for your passion?
Smile and world smiles with you..

As you said..
They are cliched..

I dont belive you..

You would one day..

And I thought I had seen everything..

Its 2009...
You havent seen it yet years to come...

Whats in store?

Everything..
Pain, Love, Hatred, Happiness, Tears, smiles, success, failure, top, bottom..

Wat now

Nothing is for you this year..

I dont believe you..

You would one day..

But why wilderness??

You asked for it..

No way!!

Yes child...

I dont believe you..

You would one day..
You would one day...
You would one day....

Bill Gates' 11 Rules of Life...

Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one

"Lesson From Sh. Bhagwad Geeta"

I am fortunate enough to get the Bhagwad Geeta as one of the subject in my school days. And some of the stuff which i felt boring at that time are coming in front of my eyes, live, showing me a real meaning of the world, a world within a world.

I memorized some of the concept at that time for exam but i believe some of those concept i understood now. Everything is written, you just need to believe that. Life itself is one exam. and everything is MAKTUB in your life.

Well we all have two feet. One foot is about destiny and life which we keep in the present, by default. And about other foot, its depends upon person to person. Its about their own choice. And it is this choice, that decides which quadrant of time they exist in, think, with one foot in the past, and one in the present, the whole existence is leaning into the past, and carrying the weight of all the dead issue's, of people, of things, that we left behind, all the mistakes which we have done, all the opportunities we have missed and logically all the things which should not matter in present nor in future. But still we connect those strings and kept cursing ourself for all the thing which couldn't happen or which we couldn't able to do it.

So what to do? How to live? How to remain focused? How to maintain all the Relationship? How to move forward? How to attain your destiny?

Clear that slate, forgive, forget, erase, delete... for that's the only way u can detach, and move forward and attain your destiny.

As it has been explained in Bhagwad Geeta that its all connected in a cosmic sense, what i am is directly influenced by what i was, and what i will be, is based upon what i am doing today.

Do your best in the time, the present. Present is the most powerful than past, present and future. Past is gone, future will take care of itself. But you need to stand for your present. You have to live up with your present. That's the only one thing is inside in your diameter, you have command on it. So capitalize, utilize and improvised it.

I have known this concept since a long time, directly mention in the Bhagwad Geeta, but it started making so much sense recently, its funny how life provides us live example's of different ideology's, from time to time. A life itself is a great teacher.

Keep Smiling!!

The wind on my face in the morning makes me smile..
Gazing at the stars and wondering about them makes me smile..
An awesome weather makes me smile..
The smell of the soil after the first rain makes me smile..

Old memories make me smile..
A kid's innocence makes me smile..
My lost childhood and my college days make me smile..
Finding an old friend after a long time makes me smile...

My adventures make me smile..
Music and books make me smile..
Movies make me smile..
My testimonials make me smile...

A busy road and the antics of the people there makes me smile..
Beautiful locales make me smile..
Stupidity makes me smile..
My absent mindedness makes me smile..

My courage and my fears makes me smile..
My siblings makes me smile..
My mom makes me smile..
Thinking about the future and picturing it makes me smile..

So many things in my life makes me smile..
so why to sad for one or two reason..
i live a life to make me smile..
i live a life to make others smile..

Keep Smiling!!

Distance Dream

You are away far from me so i am. Now it has been long time to see you practically because in my dreams i always see you close to me. Very recent dream i had where you were silent and a muse. I heard you say a thousands words to me and i too replied them without a word, in the air taking them far away, a distance to you.

Your blurred picture appeared in front of me, a slient and bright face, your dropping eyes-still, the black tumble of your hair on your shoulders. For a moment, you looked sad to me. you seems to be crying?? was i am the reason of those wet eyes?? i don't know. It has been long time now where we have talked without words, you know, its long time. I opened my mind again in thoughts of yours and this is what i recieved.

That silence told me something that i loved that silent communication. We watched our memories, a flashback with the closed eyes and traced each others' faces in that darkness, I craved for a touch in that emptiness. We exchanged empty whispers, we begged for acceptances, we belied a few truths and then i asked a few questions to myself. And quietly, i stepped back. Like i knew everything. Like i understood everything. Like i accept everything.

But I found the silence threatening; wrong words would tumble out of my mouth and force that silence into an sudden departure. So, I broke the silence. I broke it with something, something you didn't expect. And I found you fumbling with words. But I acknowledged it what you want to say, i knew it.

And suddenly i recovered from my dream. I will not forget that silence. It pulled us closer than all the words ever did. In those moments, you froze the time around me. Because it was the indifference of the world that I watched passing by, but not you, not me, not our silence, not our distance. . .

going on . . .

It has been said by some great people that what can be said to convey, or more so understand and feel, the amazing spectrum of emotions that fused of a love and pain . . .

Is it infatuation, a close friendship, amazing vibes or is it a pain, jealousy, possesiveness?? But i think it is bringing out something best in you which i see, which i feel. It is about a listening to a song and thinking about you, it is about remembering all those moments that you shared, it is about thinking about old memories, old places, it is about you.

When i see your eyes, and find a completely of devoid of love for me, then it is about being alone, being a good for nothing, bringing very best of you where you jus find the end of relationship, a friendship, it is about life, as always . . going on and on . . and on . . no matter what . . it is going on . .

!! Google Devta ki Jai ho !!

Yeah Yeah Yeah. I am happy. Not that I have been made the CFO, that would take some time (centuries?), I am afraid. But I am happy because things moved along quite a bit today as far as my CFA level 2 books are concerned. I had been googling and regoogling and reregoogling stuff on the internet, and today finally i stumbled onto a pretty useful site. Infact, on a philosophical note, the more I live life, the more I become aware of the importance of "Google" in supporting the human race.

Well remembering my college days, where when we guys were on the brink of a nervous breakdown making our engineering final year project, it was "google devta" which came to our rescue. We downloaded a decent amount of code from the net and ended up making something which we still have got no clue about. At the Office, google is more used than any financial or economic model ever devised. Be it a document on the SDLC, a handbook on Business Analyst, or an Interview stuff, every burning need has the one and only Lord Google to satisfy it.

And not only the professional life, google has had a pretty divine imprint on the personal aspects of my life too. I still remember that when I was a nervous 16 year old ( or was it 14), I typed down "Play Boy" on the sacred google bar, leading to a very informative and educational online session. Then there was the sunny afternoon in my first 21+ summer vacation, when a frustrated 21 year old, tired of carrying around the "single-ready to mingle" tag line, angrily punched in "how to get a girlfriend" on google's website. I still occasionally google the names of girls I had a crush on in my short lifetime, hoping to find them somewhere, with the combination of being a happy and teary reunion, with the girl telling me how much she admired me secretly . . lolz

Impact of google on young generation is much more than parents, teachers, employer and friends. From making people as social animal to present their thoughts on the blog. Everything is what google do. From make off to break off, from delivering baby to divorcing, from trace to trade, from learn to earn, from patriotic movie to 'A' movie everything is what google do. So what to tell you about google nothing except google devta ki jai.

But even our newtonic genie called google fails at times. Recently, I had to find out about the my native place TERA. So i googled about it, but it so conspired that I ended up reading "TERA mujse ye pahele ka nata nahi . . . jaane tu ya jane na". But this can be classified as an off day for google, the knight in the shiny armour for students, engineers, summer trainees, sex maniacs, parted lovers around the planet, employees, etc

So bolo Google Devta ki Jai !!

The meaning of life

The meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day and from hour to hour. What matters today may not be matter same tomorrow, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning of a person's life at a given moment.

To put the question in general terms would be comparable to the question posed to a chess champion: "Tell me, Master, what is the best move in the world?" There simply is no such thing as the best or even a good move apart from a particular situation in a game and the particular personality of one's opponent.

The same holds for human existence. One should not search for an abstract meaning of life. Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life to carry out a concrete assignment which demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated. Thus, everyone's task is as unique as is his specific opportunity to implement it.

Trust Of The Heart

I met that certain someone I thought
I could trust with my heart.
I searched hard and long for a love
of romance and passion.
From the start I was swept away
with the sweetness of her voice and words.
I asked can you walk beside me
down the long and winding road?
Can you always be
devoted to only me as we walk along the way?
I heard not a answer.
Suddenly I knew you could not be trusted
with my gentle heart, nor to walk along side me,
down the long and winding road.

Filmy Dialogues !!

Now you all people will think ke ye achanak se filmy dialogue ke upar kya post likhega but hold on before thinking ahead just think that we all have been grew up during the era of movies when Kimi Kaatkar was identified as the epitome of Feminine Elegance, and seven out of ten movies involved kids who watched their 'ImaanDaar' parents murdered from behind Huge Flower Pots and grew up to murder the killers after several years of scouting Bus Stops and Dance Bars for them. I mean, you get the idea of the era, yeah?

So, shuru karein bakar , lekar Kaamdev ka Naam ( Abbe! Kaamdev is a type of Bhagwan jo aapke kaam ko jagaya rakhta hai, maine internet par pada hai !)

1. "Main tumhare Bacche ki Ma Banne wali hoon"

I first heard this statement during one of the movies, when I was six. I vaguely

Remember some demure Gaon Ki Gori saying this to Ranjeet (pata nai kitne bachho ka baap hoga), who, obviously, had this roving eye and tried to grab anything which showed any movement

At that age, I had no idea what that meant, and I instinctively thought, "Tumhara Baccha? But babies to God ke hotein hai na?"

As I grew up, I think I have heard this statement being said to men such as Pran, Prem chopra, Sadashiv Amrapurkar, Amrish Puri (On more than three occasions), and Shakti Kapoor. Obviously, every time, the reply is "Gira Do", but now days you don't find such dialogues because now every girl is aware of i-Pill . . heheheh

2. "Kutte Kaminey mein tera khoon pi jaunga"

Kasam dharma pa ji ki . . kya dialogue hai ye . . well I have been listening this dialogue from day when I was out from my moma's womb. What a dialogue it is!! Kutte kaminey mein tera khoon pi jaunga!!! Wah wah . . salla aur kuch nai mila pine ko jo khun piyega Dracula . .

But this was one of the well respected dialogues from our film industry. The way Dharam pa ji has played this dialogue awesome man!!

3. "Tumhari Ma aur Behan Mere Kabze mein hai"

Now, I really think all the mothers and sisters of that era, went around tapping all the bad guys on their shoulders, smiling coyly, and whispering "Hey Handsome, wanna kidnap me, eh?"

How else can I explain that towards the end of almost every movie, the bad guy called up the Hero on his landline (It's the pre 1991 era dude, don't expect a cellphone), and informs him that his White Clad Mother and Young College Going Sister have been kidnapped and have been comfortably chained between thick pillars at some abandoned remains of some Haveli.

I mean, Yeh Ma aur Behan hamesha Kidnapping ke liye available kaise rehti thi?? Kissi ko pata ho to plz comment here I want know that how and why?? hehehe

4. "You are under arrest"

This used to the director's signal, ki bhaiyya, the movie is about to end, please plan to gather your water bottles, chip bags, kids, and move out the cinema hall before the exit gets too crowded. In short, Inspector saab and his gang of Brown Shorts wale Hawaldaars have barged into the final fight scene, have pointed their cheap, Holi Wali pistols at the baddies, and the Inspector Saab has quipped the line which is the dream statement of every policeman who has ever walked this planet – "You are under arrest". The only scene which could possibly follow this statement was a shot of the Hero and Heroine kissing under an Overgrown Pink Flower with "Happily ever after…." Written at the bottom of the screen.

5. "Main Teri Asli Ma Nahi hoon , Beta"

If there was ever a phase when non-biological mothers flourished, this was it. Kids swapped at the local hospitals, kids left crying on the stairs to the century old Shiv Mandir, little babies found squealing in trash bins, you name the way to find a kid who is not yours, and it was in there .

The mother raised the kid, made her do his homework, combed his hair, taught him how to ride the tricycle, and then watch him grow into a fine young man. But then, as she gets older and older, and as she finally reaches her deathbed, she calls the young man, looks at him lovingly, and with the heart breaking mix of love and guilt, murmurs, "Main Teri Asli Ma Nahi hoon, Beta"

The hero sits stunned, not knowing what to say, except maybe "Shit! Does that mean I don't get all that property you have?"

Ok, you know the hero doesn't say that yaar. Movie hai. Hero Accha Banda hai.

To be Continued …( Abbe, TV Serial mein 'To be continued' nahi dekhta ?)

Baad mein aur likhunga Bhai. And haan, you contribute whatever you can think of. I love interactive blogging! Sabse bura dialogue likhne wale ko milega unlimited stay at his own house . . hehehe . . koi sponsor nai hai doston so you all can understand!!