I had wrote few blogs on basanti which was an epitome of the ideal girl I am looking for but person grew wisely as time goes and with the experience, he himself learns to be more practical with the incidents and accidents. I have been thinking that things happens quickly when you start desire for it but what I experienced recently was quite astonished to my thought process. I am not shattered but still there is some fear which started to grow quietly. But still I feel that things will get settled down and will be fine. And my refined thought process just change the way I was thinking before about my life partner basanti.
Well basanti sounds so weird now. I am afraid that what people take from the name is really understand what I want!! Then what shall I call her? No, I need a name so that it become easy for me to reach into her mind. Sukanya, yup its better than most, can be applicable to all kinds of girls which I might be going to come across. She can be very first or second or third or last. But that name “Sukanya” defines the surface of mind, my desires.
I have been living in a dream that’s painted to perfection. The colors know their places as if they were born before the sketch they were to fill. I have a sketch in my mind named as “Sukanya”. Well do I need to define the sketch? I do. Even though no one is interested in that but I will define. She have slender wrists, she is fair, a perfect charming face, big eyes, straight hairs and yes, the things that sets her apart from the rest, the thing that dominates everything else is her dimple in her left cheek. She looks like the rest but when it comes to my eyes they have refused to take her as one of them. I feel ownership on her as I am the only responsible for creating her sketch “Sukanya”.
She is in black trouser, a striped shirt, black stripes on white short sleeves, flat heel sandal and a shy smile on her face. I feel lost when I see her in my dreams. Nothing else. I keep my eyes close tightly, like frozen in your coldness. How often I had seen her in my dreams, how often I have imagined her, how often I had built my expectation and how often I had been retorted with the practical phenomenon. Sometimes I wish I could just tear her apart but I know till I get to know that unknown face, she will be a part of my dream world.
Yesterday again, I met her in my dreams. I don’t know her name but I named her as a “Sukanya”. I can tell her that she too wanted to talk with me. I can tell it by the way she lower lip thrusts forward but she didn’t utter any word. I have been watching her silently, again lost in her face. I saw her rubbing her nails with her other hand nails. And the way her fingers of both the hands form the shape of the upper half part of the heart. Don’t you know that we humans are cursed to see what is put in front of our eyes?
I caught her staring at the momentarily. I see she want to ask me something but she feel reluctant. Listen to me, I know what you want to ask me. You want to know what type of girl I like? And believe me I like your type ‘Sukanya’. Will it matter to you? It should.
You know every guy here is looking for a girl with the cosmetic smile, rouged cheeks, high heels, educated, professional and with those "yeah"s, the "oooh"s, the "wow"s and the "nah"s words. I am not the different but believe me it takes only few days of practice and anyone can learn it to become part of the crowd. But what it makes difficult to learn is the simplicity of thoughts, understanding and those comfort making smile and talks. Which makes you to stand out in a crowd.
And believe me, each and every one around us is not what they appears to us. Behind those expensive clothes, cosmetics, gadgets, lies a humans just like you and me with the same possession, with same earthly dreams we have, almost the same. It’s just that someone have different dreams scaling with the different measures. You just need to think better, more wisely than them. That’s it!!
‘Sukanya’, time will soon give me a chance at that time I want you to look at me. Look closely, look at my face, look into my eyes. What do you see? Nothing? Shall I draw a similarity between you and me then?? Can you draw the similarity? Keep your hand on your chest, the left side. Can you feel it? No, I am not talking about the throbs. Breathe slowly, listen carefully, turn deaf to the world around you and step inside. There, right there! Just between two beats, that long pause. Can you hear it? Can you feel the pause? That is what I want when I lend up to see you again. A formal meeting surrounded by our relatives.
‘Sukanya’ that is what will binds us together, that gap, a hole in the rhythm that the beats can't fill. We all have that hole in us, that break in the music. I have been trying for long now, and I still am lost. That what I want to feel, experience and that what will ring a bell in my mind where I see a happiness in your eyes ‘Sukanya’.
I know all girls want to see a happy and successful? Those costly trousers, costly watch, those thousand bucks worth shirt. If I go by your comprehension then I should be concerned. But no, I am not. I am just like you, lost and greedy but for what I am yet to find out. May be she know what she want from my life and I still haven't figured out. Aren't you better than me then?
I would be happiest if I found you better than me!! I am not a part of orchestra where egoistic band player have their own tune. It’s a life which we need to pass together not alone.
