This Little Part of my life is called ... Frustration overcome... Happiness........
Well it all seemed to me that I was fighting for something! To be honest, it was all frustrating to feel is rejected for no good damn reason! When all people around me said that I have the basic knowledge I was frustrated!! When they said that I am not intelligent I was frustrated! When they said that I was average student I was frustrated! But when they said I was good I was okay! And when they said that I had the potential and I have proved myself, then this little part of me is called Happiness!!
This was the first time in my life (life lived till now), I feel to fight for my self esteem for my image and to become what I want to and to deserved what I deserve! Maybe that's what I am, always treated as an good chap with sensible head over my shoulder, I knew that this moment would be there, where in I have to survive and prove that I am the fittest of all, and am ready for all the hard comings and whatever.
Everything seem to fall in place in my life but still I was there standing as a confused person. Almost 3 years after being so called "An Engineer"I am still feeling that I am a fresher. I am still fighting for defining my destiny. Sometime you don't know where you are going, you just walking on the way which is falling on your path but unfortunately that path is not leading you towards your destiny. It is just creeping your time and things which you come across during this journey is so much illusive that you forgot your real destiny of life. Sometime it makes you to think that you are under dog. Where every one is getting ahead of you and you are not just able to switch your orbit. It gives you sense of failure but actually others don't understand that for getting success you should know taste of the failure.
Now on this year end I have to work on something which is my last go and after that everything would be normal. Maybe I have to slog myself, have to deviate myself from my comfort zone as something which might be very gruesome and tough to handle! But then I know that I can do it and this is my last step towards all together a new beginning of my life! I have a maximum of 5 months to prove that what I can do is something too good and worthy. Within these 5 months I have to build a system, a system which is stable enough and sufficient to give me that edge over all the things!
It was such long time that I was trying to kill the pain! But, then today I have to let it go! Wish somebody was there just to rest my head, and ease all the pain.There are people who would never understand what you want in your life, it's not easy to heal or mend, but then there are times when you can emerge from the wounds to heal a apart of yourself, where in it would become invincible if somebody tries to refrain you from reaching those pinnacles of success. There are times when you may want to have favors etc, but then that's not the end, sometimes they need you and you need them, that's a bit of Altruism. When all the fear inside you resides, that's when the best of you comes out!You know that there are something which love you, its not the people who are around you, it is that materialistic feeling which does not exist, or even though it exists it, comes out when you get what you want, you get when you need it!
I feel so much happy when things happening my way, its the same feeling that is repeating, it was like whenever I used to get good marks in my school days, it was not about showing it to the people around you, but it was about a beginning of a new dream about all the good things that you could become in your life! Its about proving yourself to yourself. Its about feeling a pride during walking on the ground. Its about making your parents family sibling friends proud by doing good things in your life. Its about making all the people happy around you by doing good things. Well that feeling is once again and maybe that is the reason why I am trying to explain here that, this time it's not for the people but for me myself and I.
'I' is that part of me which I have never been able to define to a good extent, its so confusing! What is I a small alphabet in the English dictionary which after 'A'.
Well no!! I believe "I" is not an alphabet, but something which can describe a whole sentence, a paragraph or maybe a book! Yes it can! Knowing that 'I' of you is one of the most difficult and the challenging task! How many of we can define that I, maybe none! Even Hitler couldn't't other wise he would have been able to conquer the world!
To be continued…..Lots to write about that "I"
Till then the perfect song from movie IQBAL …. Aashayien…..
Kuch aisa kar ke dikha
Khud khush ho jaye khuda
Ashayien mile dil ki
Umeedein hase dil ki…….............Aashayien!!!!Aashayien!!!!
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