!! 8 Things I desire in my life partner !!

While writing these 8 things in my life partner, I feel like an Adnam Sami forced to pack himself in priyanka chopra's jeans. I feel uncomfortable. I seriously think the hindustaani sarkaar is goofing up by not awarding a paramveer chakra to my mother and siblings who have managed to tolerate me for 25 years, so expecting someone to be with me for life scores a perfect ten on the optimism meter. But Mungeri Laal doesn't hold the exclusive copyright to dream. So here goes.

1. The sharmeeli Traditional girl

'Bholi si soorat , aankhon mein masti , duur khadi sharmaye – hai hai'

I first heard these lines from 'Dil to pagal hai' on my school bus. Since then, whenever I imagine my dream girl, these lines start playing in the background of my khopadi. Simple face. Minimum make up. Ek choti se bindiya . naazuk . Hair tied a choti. Yellow salwaar suit. Quiet girl. Elegant. Shy. Soft laughter. Hai main marr jaawa kuddi pe. Simply bharatiy nari remains incredibly cute. But oye sohniye , not too much shy. (13 years after shaadi)

Me (Back from office) - Knock. Knock. Oye laajwanti, darwaza khol yar, I am back.
She (softly) - Suno jee, mujhe aapke saamne aate hue shy shy feel hota hain jee.
Me (Trying to keep my voice low while the neighbours look at me curiously) - Ahem. haha. Arre darwaza khol sweetie, it's been 13 years
since our marriage now. Abb kya sharmana.
She (softly giggling now) - umm..nahi jee , mujhse nahi kiya jayega . Aapke saamne aate hi sharma jati hu main.
Me (hitting the briefcase against the door) - Teri ma ki..........

I mean, I love shyness, but I don't want to use my briefcase to enter my home everyday.


2. Her ego and dinosaurs?

Both should be dead by now. That's right; her ego should be as dead as a thief in Mike tyson's home. I don't like people who have big blue whale sized egos. She should be educated but that education should not give her ego certificate. I mean any one can earn degree by studying. she has not done any wonder or she is not last educated person on this earth "bahot aa gaye hai and bahot aayenge bhai, oopssss sorry bahen", so hang your ego in your wardrobe of your bedroom.

3. Kuch to log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna. Tu bheje ki dahi mat kar.

Now that she would be married and assumingly exposed to a healthy dose of relatives, friends and family like most kutchi gujarati women, I mean there will be a lot of sound bites like 'why you both are not going out?' "ur mother in law is so khadoos!" " beware of your sister in laws" "don't you have kaamwali bai at your home" "He comes back late these days ? You should talk to 'Husband-secretary-pol khol detective agency". I don't want her to kill all those manthra's (ramayan wali re), but she should have a mind of her own to prioritize people and what they say. What most people think about me doesn't move a fingernail on me, and I hope she is kind of chilled too.

4. Tunnu munnu ke papa , chalo aaj "Angoor" dekhte hain

Kasam Madhubala's smile ki , the girl who actually laughs at amol palekar, utpal dutt, Sanjeev Kumar's brand of comedy is my kudi, because it shows she actually enjoys brain-less, 'bheja-bhool-ja' variety of antics, which gives her a clean ten extra points in my 'Kaun Banegi Meri patni' contest. In fact, I intend to ask her about this during the 'ladka ladki ek doosre ko jaan le, samajh le' stage.

Me - Hi. Have you seen 'Bheja Fry'?
She - Oh I love that one!
Me - Oh yeah. How about 'Golmaal'?
She - Uee ma . Seen that 14 times.
Me - That's so touching . Mujhse Shaadi karogi ?
She - Wow , Akshay kumar was so funny in that one .
Me - Oye Basanti, not the movie, this is a real life question. Mujhse Shaadi karogi?

5. Oh, bhaago Judge sahiba padhar rahi hai!

I write nonsense. I am not asking you, I am telling you a fact I know. Keep your mouth shut. You don't know anything's. You only keep on writing this all crap. But I write whatever I want to write, rather than what you want me to write.

Now a girl reads the stuff at this blog, thinks 'What an idiot he is', leaves a 'This is crap. And now you are in trouble' comment I mean, the girl should not consider herself the 'I am perfect', 'I will clean the system', 'How dare someone be silly' headmistress type character. Chill maar yaar. I am having my fun the way I want to, just leave me to my stupid life, Janu.

6. Thoda hain, thode ki zaroorat hain

Darling I am not ambani I am only one employee of reliance. Her life ka basic funda of happiness should match with mine. I mean I will try to fulfill her wish list but she should understand that I am not working with underworld yaar, jo har Saturday night bole, "Mona Darling, Ye haar mein sirf tumhare liye laya hoon sirf 10 lakh ka hai"

7. Aashman ko Chhune ke Asha!!

I too enjoy my work, but I need to keep the big picture in place. If the purpose of her life is to be successful in her career, picture on the cover of a business magazine, I am cool. But If she is willing to neglect herself, myself and my parents for that then I am boiling. My priorities - my parents, my siblings, a happy environment at home. Money is a pen I need to script happiness and comfort for my family. If she loves the pen more than the script, she better marry some 'aag-in-the-belly', high flying, busy business man whose kids have trouble remembering his face. Samji meri mrs CEO.

8. I have to put down one more points about the girl who shall marry me and get to say 'See that guy with the stupid face, sincere stupid, counting stars over there? He is my husband'.

But I don't really think I want to marry red lips or a rich dad in law or 'jheel see aankhein', low vest jeans, a tight top, 36-30-36, blonde
hair kind of girl because life is not a movie where I can happily drown in her eyes and feel happy forever. Zindagi mein things have to be worked out in phased manner and when I need her to understand and share my life, those red lips or pink cheeks won't exactly be a very useful thing.

So abhi bass itna hee mangta hoon hanuman ji.

Now by mistake any girl reading this post and If she think she can't handle this kind of guy for life time than please, pick up your cellphone and sms D-I-V-O-R-C-E to 80899 right now. Sms karne se kya hoga ? muje promotion milega, mere company ka revenue badega, bahenji!!