Aaj unse pehli mulaaqat hogi..
phir aamne saamne baat hogi..
phir hoga kya, kya pata kya khabar..
I am adding to the chorus of this Kishore da’s melody. However, unlike the song there is no excitement in my mind. I guess I am anxious. Or should I say nervous?? Not sure..
I am going to meet someone. This is not the first time ever I am meeting any one but still this is completely different moto. Yup I used the word “moto”. For the first time ever in my life I am meeting someone to see for whole life or not? I don’t know. Don’t know will I be able to talk properly? Will she think I am khadus? Will she like my voice?? God!! What is happening? Why am I thinking all this? Relax... Take a deep breath and cool down. It will be fine.
OK, I think you want little back ground of the story….Yes story!! We know each other. We know each other well all through a text, voice etc but all I could say that I never seen her before. Isn’t it madness?? Without seeing a person how can you speak hell of your personal matters? But I did, somehow it happened. Even though in the climax we always see some obstacles comes in picture same will happen here too but …. You know what I want to say right? That’s enough for you to gaze what I am saying isn’t it?
Now coming back today, the day when I am going to meet someone who is going to be special for me for my entire life. Many questions popped out in my mind, will she like me?? How will be her reaction? What she will speak first? With what word I should start to talk?? Shall I speak in English or mother tongue will be fine? What if she thinks I am flaunting too much?? What if she don’t like me?? God! Please grant me strength to handle this.
I know I never thought like this, but what should I wear, a formals or casuals? What she likes? All I say I look good in casuals. God! Please let me have the right gait with it on.
Sometimes I speak out what comes in my mind although sensible enough but it give impression that I am flaunting. Well with her I should be more composed with all things. God!! Please control me.
"Humare zamane mein ladkiyan badi sharmili hoti thi.. aur aaj-kal ki kudiyan...." Oh this is my mother's voice echoing in my mind. I know I am bold and my friends says confidence shows on my face. Will she like that? What if she bold and very open? What if she is too much forward? I am not sure. God! Please conceal it and portray me as a timid person.
Well something which I needs to tell is about my work profile. I know she won’t ask me but still. I agree overall package I have is not much handsome but I will try to rebalance everything. Again my desire to study further that too full time where I won’t be earning anything. Is it fine with her? What if she don’t agree with me?? And suppose I can’t present my case strongly. God!! Please help me live with this.
You know while writing this I am getting all the words we had spoke in last few days…..well I am afraid too…but I am hopeful too….well adding here one phrase “Agar miya bibi raji toh kya karega kazi”. It is as simple as mathematics 2+2=4 only don’t try to make it 5. Hope you will able to make your family understand the simplicity of life and growth starts from root not from the leafs J
Just Hold on… Why am I being so paranoid? Will she too be thinking the way I am? And with the same intensity? Let me just revisit my thoughts...
What’s wrong if the I speak my heart out? And also try to flaunt my thoughts? She knew it already.
What’s wrong with the casual? And even she will be in same casuals right jeans and tee??
What’s damaging about my thoughts? In fact I feel they are the main force of attraction isn’t it??
What’s unethical if I will get to much comfortable with talking her?? As a matter of trust that would make her to comfortable!!
What’s immoral if my package is not handsome enough? But she know that as a family I can manage everything….and if she desires more than what else can be a better inspiration to work and earn harder?
And what’s wrong if I tell her that I wish to study further more to give her better future!!
Why should I let these inhibitions accompany me and mask the “essence of myself”? Why should I change something which has been built over past 25 years just to ensure that a girl who meets me for 25 minutes says a YES?
Why shouldn't I present the "me" as I am? But at least I'll be sure that my core is not lost in the process. After all that’s what marriage is all about right? Accepting the differences and respecting the individuality??
It’s not worth troubling the Almighty with these silly problems. Let me handle the issue myself :) and leave the rest to Destiny.
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