My Little Brown Covered English Essay Book – 5th Standard

I was scavenging my all old stuff, don't know how I built that habit of preserving all the stuff which I know of not use for sure, but this time I found a little brown book

Name: Shankar Bhanushali
Std: 5^th
Class: A
Subject: English Essay Book

I picked up small double line 100 pages English Essay Book and set aside my bedroom to revive those memories of childhood.

I was souring down the book, index page, my grades B, B+ , A, A+, B , B , A , and I hold on a page where I had wrote essay on I will . . .

I will respect my parents
I will respect my teachers
I will respect my elders
I will help poor's
I will serve my country
I will say the truth.
I will be a good human beeng.

.

It was mid nineties, rainy days, a classroom having Black board corrupted from right side with the broken duster, two ceiling fans making enough noise to keep awake all students, a blinking surya tube light, A Fat lady teacher with thick plastic rimmed glasses perched on her nose stands facing a class of nine year olds, who sit on little wooden rough benches and write the above lines in their brown little notebooks. A perfect manifestation of government aided school.

There was a child. The first bench. She makes the naughty children sit in the front with girl seats besides them so that she can see when they are not listening. The child writes down the lines too. Hesitant, unsure of his handwriting. Maybe a word or two is spelt wrongly. I think that child used to spell a being as beeng at that time. But he did write the lines.

I will be a good human beeng.

A simple sentence, a sentence that is made up of simple thoughts. Respect your parents, respect your teachers, your elders, be kind, help poor's, say truth, be good human being.

Nine year olds are innocent people. They believe everything their teachers tell them. That child too believed what she told him. That he have to be a good human being when he grows up. That child wanted to be a good human being when he grew up. He wanted to help poor's, serve country, and make his parents proud of him.

Sixteen years later, that child sits on the moving chair of his office typing words you are reading now. He has grown up now. He studied his books well. Went on to become an engineer working at big company with big name and then doing CFA Over a year, he was faced with a lot of choices. And he made many choices. I don't know if he evolved, but he changed.

Amongst the trigonometry lessons, the thick books of software engineering and the prolonged concept of finance, he forgot that sentence he wrote in that little, brown covered English Essay Book that day. No, wait. Maybe he did not forget. But he did not care much about it. The world did not care much about it, either. Nobody, including himself, asked "Are you a good human being, as you promised once?"

They appreciate when he pass another exams, when he prove himself better than others, faster than others with the better package and secure job than others That is what matters . Better than others. Being a good man did not matter much to anybody, and he believed it did not matter to him. He was no longer that child. Yes he was changed he smelted himself with the surroundings.

I have not been good so far. I have hurt people, I have said things which have tore apart hearts of good souls, I haven't make my parents proud of me even single time, I have been indifferent, not caring about who I am really now, who that child was, and not caring if me and the child would ever meet again, talk again, be one again.

But today, the dust on that brown covered little English Essay notebook have parted a little, and a long forgotten, once familiar sound of a that innocent child has managed to flow in like the first rays of a morning sun. And the voice says "I wanted be a good human beeng. Why have you become this? Don't you remember me? "

And today, the grown up man wants to listen to that child, and believe in that child, and be that child. Because after a long time, he has found a friend who reside inside him, who believes in being good more than being better. Who wants to help a million hands rather than control a million people! Who looks at the world from the selfless eyes of that child I once, was, without the layers of selfishness this life wraps around us adults. Who gives me a strength and direction, not by loving me, but by being who he is, who gives me the confidence that I can find myself, because I see a part of me in him. Who more than being loved, is worthy of being respected.

The white cloud of simplicity I have found gives me the strength to try to be that child again, to realize who I really am, and to be good again.

I know when you people will read this. Some people who think I am not a good man. Some people who think I am not practical enough. Some people who think I will change, and probably would forget these words soon enough. Some people who think I do not have the courage to be who I say I want to be. Some people who think I do not know what I really want to be. Some people who would not understand, and will think I do not understand. For some people it will be mere time pass to just flick out this but for me it means something. This thought giving me warm feelings, feelings which tell me that I am still good from inside; same nine year innocent child is still alive inside me.

All I can say is, I know what this means to me. And I do not expect many to understand what this means to me. Thanks to GOD, I am talking to that child again. I had some good people with me always, but before you came along, I had given up on trying being who I really wanted to be. Even though I have that brown English Essay little notebook today, that page has not been clearer to me before today. And I will be a good human "beeng". Maybe not faster. Maybe not sharper. Maybe not a winner for the world. But definitely a good human beeng.

- - - Shankar Bhanushali